


come and get lost with me (like castaways)

by Fives (janfives90)



Category: The Prom - Sklar/Beguelin/Martin
Genre: F/F, Space AU, also vaguely inspired by no man's sky, warnings: space and wilderness survival scenarios
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:35:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 24
Words: 25,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21799981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janfives90/pseuds/Fives
Summary: Emma laughs and nods. “You know how they are. One fancy Navy officer, one local guardsman. You’re looking at the guardsman assigned to the same detail you’re on.”“Are you sure a glorified firefighter can handle it?” Alyssa asks, teasing, grinning as she bumps her shoulder against Emma’s.“On Callisto? The worst crime I’ve ever dealt with is a private getting drunk and damaging the gravity engine when he fell off the roof of the pub. I’m pretty sure we’ll be fine.”
Relationships: Alyssa Greene/Emma Nolan
Comments: 53
Kudos: 98





	1. Chapter 1

_CALLISTO BASE - DAY 0_

Corporal Emma Nolan takes a step back and wipes sweat from her brow, frowning as a line of thick black soot disappears from her hand in the process. “Shit.” She shakes off her hand and searches through her jacket, trying to find some piece of clean material.

“Here,” Sergeant Barry Glickman says, handing her a handkerchief. “You’re a mess, Nolan.”

“Which one of us was climbing into a burned-out spaceship, Sarge?” Emma asks as she uses the cloth to wipe her face off. “If you want me to look more presentable, you can do the dirty work next time some idiot brings their ship in too hot.”

“No thanks. You’re just so good at it.”

Emma rolls her eyes and tosses the handkerchief back at him. “Think I have time to go get cleaned up before the Navy ship gets in?”

Barry grins at her. “Nope.”

She sighs heavily. “Great.”

* * *

The ship shakes as it enters the moon’s atmosphere, and Lieutenant Alyssa Greene tightens her grip on her shoulder harness as a sudden jolt kicks her back hard against her seat.

“Jesus. Who’s piloting this thing, an ensign? We come to Callisto twice a month.”

Commander Angie Dickinson laughs in the seat next to her. “I think they’re training somebody new. Come on, Greene, you were a rookie once.”

Alyssa flinches as another vibration rocks the ship. “Not this much of a rookie.”

They land with a heavy thud, and Alyssa lets out a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding.

“Don’t forget that you’re assigned to guard the transfer of that weapons shipment,” Angie says as Alyssa unhooks her harness and stands up.

“Yes, Commander.”

* * *

When she steps off of the ship, the first person Alyssa sees is the only person she wants to see. She grins and walks forward, holding out her hand. “Corporal.”

Emma Nolan mirrors her grin and holds up her hands. “I don’t think you want to shake my hand, Lieutenant.”

Alyssa looks her up and down, seeing grime and soot and ash all over Emma’s uniform. “Somebody crashed their ship?”

“Yep, and I had to make sure there wasn’t anything explosive in it, because the assholes just ditched it while it was burning.” Emma rolls her eyes. “Idiots.”

“How polite of them.” Alyssa grabs Emma’s hand and shakes it anyway. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Same to you.” Emma turns and leads Alyssa along the docking bay. “What’s your assignment on Callisto?”

“The weapons shipment that arrived yesterday. That was for us. I’m assigned to guard it until it can be loaded right before we leave.”

“Oh, then you have time to grab lunch before our shift.”

Alyssa blinks at her. _“Our_ shift?”

Emma laughs and nods. “You know how they are. One fancy Navy officer, one local guardsman. You’re looking at the guardsman assigned to the same detail you’re on.”

“Are you sure a glorified firefighter can handle it?” Alyssa asks, teasing, grinning as she bumps her shoulder against Emma’s.

“On Callisto? The worst crime I’ve ever dealt with is a private getting drunk and damaging the gravity engine when he fell off the roof of the pub. I’m pretty sure we’ll be fine.” Emma tries in vain to brush some of the ash off of her uniform. “Let me go change, and I’ll meet you at the diner in fifteen? I’ll buy.”

Alyssa smiles. “That would be great.”

* * *

“God, no, they did _not_ say that,” Emma cackles, leaning back in her side of the booth.

“They did! They honest to God did!” Alyssa grins and takes a sip of her tea. “They _swore_ that they didn’t know there were chickens in that compartment. Live chickens! I mean seriously, did they expect us to believe that they didn’t hear them _and_ that the chickens were magically feeding themselves?”

“Good Lord. Come up with a better lie, people.” Emma holds out her hand, and, without comment, Alyssa gives her the pickle off her plate. As Emma crunches on it, she passes her macaroni salad over to Alyssa. “How’s your mom?”

“She’s good. I saw her on Mars during our last inspection.” Alyssa eats the last bite of her sandwich before picking up her fork. “Is Sergeant Glickman back yet?”

“Yeah! You’ll probably see him at some point. He likes to check in.”

“Good. I like to see him.”

Emma smirks. “Not as much as you like to see me, I hope.”

“Oh, of course not. Where else would I get a free lunch?”

“I’ll keep in mind that all you want is the food, Lieutenant,” Emma laughs.

Alyssa grins at her. “Absolutely.”

Emma glances at the chronometer on the sleeve of her jacket. “We should get going. They’ll be expecting us.”

“Right.” Alyssa finishes off her tea. “Let’s go.”

* * *

“Bishop to C5.”

“Oh, fuck you.”

Alyssa snickers as Emma rests her chin on her hand, frowning at the board between them. “Problems, Nolan?”

“I know what you’re doing, and I say fuck you.”

“It’s hardly my fault that there’s… I’d say about a dozen ways that I can win within the next two to four moves.”

Emma groans. “Why do I play this game with you? Every damn time.”

“You’re a masochist.” Alyssa turns her head and looks from their table back into the rest of the weapons depot.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’m not sure. I thought I heard something.”

Emma is on her feet immediately, hand resting on the blaster on her hip. “What direction?”

“It’s probably nothing, Nolan,” Alyssa says hesitantly.

“Hey,” Emma murmurs. “I trust your instincts.”

Alyssa gives a small nod. “Uhm. Towards the back, straight away from us.”

“Okay.”

They start towards the back of the depot, but before they get far, Emma grabs Alyssa’s arm.

“Do you smell that?”

Alyssa pauses. “Sulfur. Is that… lyncium?” Her eyes widen. “Oh, God. That’s one of the two-layer explosives.”

“Shit. What could’ve set one of those off?” Emma starts walking faster, Alyssa keeping pace next to her.

“No idea, but if we don’t find it fast, it’ll go off. There’s only so much time once the sulfur smell is in the air.”

“What if-”

Emma’s words are cut off by a powerful blast that throws them both backwards, sliding across the floor in a heap.

Alyssa coughs, patting at Emma’s shoulder. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” Emma groans.

“Good. Can you get off me?”

Emma snorts out a laugh. “Sorry.” She sits up, looking in the direction they had been walking, which is now on fire. “Well. Now we know how much time there is until those things go off.”

Alyssa sits up stiffly. “Guess so.”

“Wait.” Emma looks over at Alyssa, pale. “Didn’t you say it was one of the two-layer explosives?”

“Yeah, why?” Alyssa pauses. “Oh, shit.”

They start to get up, but a second explosion catches them before they can even get to their feet.

* * *

_MARS - DAY 0_

Alyssa opens her eyes and winces as bright light hits her immediately. She gives a quiet groan of pain and sits up, her hand going to her head.

“Nolan,” she mumbles. She shakes her head and focuses, looking around, and her grogginess vanishes.

She’s in a cell. There’s a hard bed against one wall that she’s been laying on and little else in the small space. The wall in front of her is a clear material, letting Alyssa see out to an empty hallway.

“Uh. Hello? What the hell is going on?” She stands up and knocks on the front wall. “Hey!”

After a few minutes with no answer, Alyssa sighs and sits down. She runs a hand through her hair, trying to process.

She’s about to get up and yell again when an officer walks down the hallway and stops in front of her cell.

Alyssa looks up and stares. “Mom?” she whispers.

Admiral Veronica Greene seems exhausted and near tears, and she has her hands in her pockets with her shoulders slumped instead of her normal attentive posture. “Hi, honey.”

“Where am I? Where’s Corporal Nolan?”

“You’re on Mars, in the holding cells of the tribunal. Corporal Nolan is a few cells down.”

Alyssa shakes her head. “I don’t understand. Why are we here?”

“The explosion on Callisto. The two of you have been charged with causing it deliberately.”

 _“What?”_ Alyssa stands and walks close to the front wall. “We didn’t do anything of the sort! We realized a two-layer explosive had been triggered and we tried to find it, but it went off before we could. We sure as hell didn’t set it off.”

“I know that, sweetheart,” her mother says softly. “The tribunal just doesn’t care.” She swallows. “They’ve already sentenced you.”

Alyssa leans against the wall. “They… They can’t do that,” she says, her voice hoarse.

Admiral Greene runs her hand over her mouth. “I don’t think they care about that, either. Whatever really happened in that depot, they want it to go away. And they’re using you to do it.”

Alyssa closes her eyes and bows her head. “What is it?” she asks softly. “What did they give us?”

There’s a crack in her mother’s voice, fear that Alyssa has never heard before. “They sentenced you to the resource run, Alyssa.”

Alyssa feels her heart drop. “Oh, God.”

* * *

“What’s a resource run?” Emma asks, pacing back and forth in her cell.

Barry sighs and puts his hands in his pockets, standing in the hallway on the other side of the front wall. “It’s a military punishment. You shouldn’t even be eligible for it, but the excuse I was given was that you were working with a naval officer and ‘on a military assignment’. It’s bullshit.”

“To which I ask again, what the hell is a resource run?”

“There are a few solar systems full of uninhabitable planets that need to be searched for resources. They’re going to drop you and Lieutenant Greene into one of these solar systems with limited supplies and make you search each planet for as many resources as you can find. The more you find, the more supplies you’ll get for the next planet in the system. If you get through every planet, you’ll earn the right to go free.” Barry gives her a sad smile. “It’s a punishment usually only reserved for the worst crimes.”

“Which means there’s a catch, because it doesn’t sound all that bad,” Emma says hesitantly.

“Catch? Yeah. I’d say so.” Barry folds his arms across his chest. “No one has ever beaten it. There has never been a single person to survive long enough to win their freedom, Emma. The tribunal might as well have sentenced you both to death.”


	2. Chapter 2

_ SF91-1118 - DAY ONE  _

Emma wakes in a box, unable to breathe.

There’s an oxygen mask over her face, but there’s no air coming to it, and the choking sensation in her chest combined with the dark, cramped space makes her panic. She struggles, trying to get the mask off, trying to get out, trying to do _something,_ and she hears a muffled rapid beeping that she’s pretty sure matches the rapid beating of her heart.

“Nolan. _Nolan!”_ Dim light makes her wince, and a gentle touch grabs her shoulders as the box is yanked open. “Nolan,” Alyssa says quietly, pinning her down. “It’s okay. It’s okay. Let me take it off. It’s okay.”

Alyssa slides the mask up, and Emma gasps for breath, her whole body shaking.

“Greene,” she rasps.

“Don’t try to speak,” Alyssa murmurs. She pushes the mask all the way off and softly brushes her fingers through Emma’s hair. “Your lungs need a moment to adjust. We’re on SF91-1118. The first planet in the solar system of Sun SF91.”

Emma closes her eyes, breathing in air that smells stale, focusing on Alyssa’s touch as she tries to calm down. “I was… in my cell,” she whispers.

“They knocked us out. Put us in these transport canisters and dropped us here. I think your oxygen ran out before whatever was keeping us asleep through the journey from Mars.”

“Nice of them,” Emma mutters.

“I’d make a comment about them treating us like criminals, but I suppose to them we are.” Alyssa grips Emma’s hand and helps her into a seated position.

Emma looks around and sees that they’re in a small triangular tent barely big enough for the container she’s sitting in. “They gave us a survival tent. I’m surprised.”

“We’ll need to leave it soon. The charge on the oxygen tanks won’t last much longer, and we’ll need it again for sleeping. The air on the planet is safe from what I’ve scanned, but I don’t trust it to stay that way.”

“Any type of safe is good if we need to stockpile resources.”

Alyssa gives a small nod. “Someone explained to you how this whole thing works?”

“Yeah. We find what we can, get rewarded for it, and then probably die before we get the reward we actually want.”

Alyssa’s jaw tightens. “I don’t want to die out here, Nolan.”

Emma swings her legs out of the box and takes Alyssa’s hands. “Greene. I don’t want to die out here, either.”

“It does feel inevitable, though,” she admits softly.

“So what? You and me. We’ll keep each other alive and we’ll get to the end of this and we’ll win.” Emma brushes a strand of Alyssa’s hair behind her ear. “I can’t do this without you, Greene. I need you to tell me that we’ll do it together.”

“We will.” Alyssa leans forward, resting her head on Emma’s shoulder. “We have to.”

Emma pats her on the back and stands up, wavering a little as her body tries to adjust. “How long were we out? I feel so strange.”

“Even at hyperspeed, I think it was at least a full day’s travel.”

“Hell.” Emma stretches. “Are they going to put us in coffins every time they move us between planets? It’s not something I really enjoy.”

“I’m honestly not sure. I guess we’ll find out.” Alyssa walks over to a small opened crate. “Here. They gave us survival suits.”

“Aw. Suits and one tent? What other resources could we possibly need? They’re so giving!”

Alyssa laughs and tosses the brown and white gear to Emma. “Are you going to be this sarcastic for all ten planets in this solar system?”

Emma stares at her as she starts to take off her boots. “There are _ten planets_ in this solar system?”

“Yes.”

“Then yes.” She takes her uniform jacket off, then starts to undo her belt. “Which planet did you say this one was?”

Alyssa closes the crate and sits down on it. “SF91-1118.”

“That’s quite the mouthful.”

“Yeah. I was thinking we could give them names ourselves. It won’t matter to anyone else, but it’ll be something fun to do.”

“Mm.” Emma pulls her shirt off. “That does sound like it would be fun. Did you have one in mind?”

“I was thinking Curie?”

“Like Marie Curie?”

Alyssa nods. “I thought a female scientist theme would be fun.”

“Works for me,” Emma says as she picks up the survival suit.

“Hold on a second.”

Emma pauses with a frown. “What?”

Alyssa gestures at her, standing there in nothing but boxers and a white tanktop. “Just enjoying the view.”

Emma rolls her eyes and pulls on the pants portion of the suit. “Oh, shut up, Greene.”

Alyssa grins. “Never.”

“Do you know what time it is?” Emma asks as she puts her arms into the sleeves and zips up the suit before putting her boots back on.

“1200 Solar Standard,” Alyssa replies, glancing at the chronometer on the sleeve of her own suit. “But I think this solar system is a lot different, because it seemed like it was just getting light when I woke up. It looked more like 0600.”

“Okay. It’s probably safe to explore until it starts to get dark. I’m not sure of the sun cycle on this planet. Let’s hope it’s not Mercury, because then a day is going to be about two months, and I’m not sure I can psychologically handle that.”

Alyssa gives her a look. “You live on Callisto. One day there is like fifteen Solar Standard days.”

“Seventeen, actually, but it’s still not two fucking months.”

“Fair enough.”

Emma checks the helmet in her suit, a collapsable space helmet built into the collar. She reads the oxygen level on the sleeve opposite the chronometer, then collapses the helmet back down. “Okay. My thought is to pack up the tent and any other supplies we have here, explore the immediate area, while the tent charges, then set a camp up and wait for a few hours and see what the planet seems to do when it gets to be night for us.”

“That’s my thought, too.” Alyssa glances at her chronometer. “Six hours? Explore, get a good charge, see if there’s any resources right around here, then rest? Our bodies are going to be weary after being cramped in those carriers, anyway.”

“Do we have to go over the _entire_ planet? Who knows how long that could be?”

Alyssa shakes her head. “It’s as much as we can explore in sixty Solar Standard days, per planet.”

“So it really will be important that we get as much as we can on planets that we can explore relatively easily?”

“Yes.” Alyssa takes her hand and leads her towards the exit of the tent. “Though I have a feeling that even the ones that _look_ easy will be deceptively difficult.”

Emma gives a quiet laugh. “I wouldn’t be surprised at all.”


	3. Chapter 3

_ SF91-1118 - DAY ONE _

“Oh wow,” Emma whispers, stepping out of the tent into a field of pale yellow grass. “Look at that sky.”

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Alyssa stands next to her, looking up at the bright green above them.

“Reminds me of this planet my parents took me to when I was a kid. HC15-1613. It had this kelly green sky, and I remember looking at it and feeling like it was the whole point space travel. Seeing a new world.” Emma shakes her head slowly. “Never thought I’d be seeing something new by force.”

Alyssa sets a hand on her shoulder and squeezes gently. “Come on. Let’s get everything together and head out.”

* * *

As they walk through the grass, away from their initial staging point, Alyssa says, “One tent. Two survival suits. Four chargeable oxygen tanks. One week of food and water rations. And two resource gathering kits that do include some survival type equipment like knives, fire-starting sets, and water-testing tabs.”

“They really went all out on the supplies,” Emma comments dryly. “What will they give us by planet five? One soda to share?”

“If we’re lucky.” Alyssa prods at a log in front of them with her foot before stepping on it to climb up to a higher section of land. “Are you mapping out terrain, or do you want me to?”

“Already am.” Emma shoots her a grin. “I figured you’d ask me to.”

“Smartass.”

“Takes one to know one.”

Alyssa scoffs. “Sure.”

They walk side by side, instinctively anticipating each other’s moves, helping each other over small gaps in the earth without speaking.

Emma points towards a mountain peak in the distance. “That would probably be a good place to look for resources.”

“Agreed.” Alyssa squints. “I’d say that’s… what, about three days of walking from here?”

“Depending on what terrain shows up when we get going, sure.”

Alyssa checks her chronometer. “We’re two hours from the staging point. Want to take one hour to see what’s in that direction, then turn around?”

Emma nods. “Fair enough as far as I’m concerned.”

* * *

“Check it out.”

Alyssa stops and turns around as Emma takes a few steps off their path and crouches down. “What is it?”

“Looks like quartz.” Emma scrapes a small sample into a collection container and puts it into her kit before putting it back on her back. “Not super impressive, but it’s something.”

“Hey,” Alyssa says with a grin, “they said quantity, they never said anything about quality.”

Emma mirrors her grin. “Then fuck their quality.” She gives a small cough and glances up at the sky. “Huh. It’s getting dark.”

“Either a storm or nightfall comes earlier here than the standard. We should head back to the staging area. I think-” Alyssa coughs into her gloved hand.

“What are you…” Emma coughs again, and she looks down at the sensors on her sleeve. “Oh, what the fuck.”

“What?”

“The oxygen levels are dropping and the levels of both carbon dioxide and carbon monoxide are rising.” Emma reaches over and activates Alyssa’s helmet before she can even react, then puts her own up.

Alyssa takes in several deep breaths of clean air before slowing her breathing down. “Well. Shit.” She looks at her own sensors. “Nice to know this thing won’t warn us if the air quality changes.”

Emma gives her a thin smile. “Maybe  _ that’s _ what we get after the later planets.”

“For hell’s sake. At this point I’ll be surprised if they give us a damn sandwich.” Alyssa double-checks her oxygen levels, then begins to lead the way back to where they started.

* * *

“Before we go to sleep we should change out the oxygen for a fresh tank. Just in case.”

Emma nods silently, staring at the floor of the tent as she sits on one of kit packs.

“Hey,” Alyssa murmurs softly, sitting on her own pack across from her. “Are you okay?”

“Six hundred days.”

“What?”

Emma raises her head, an empty look in her eyes. “Did you ever do the math? Ten planets. Sixty days per planet. Six hundred days. That’s what it’ll take to actually survive this.”

“Yeah.” Alyssa rubs at her eyes and gives a tired sigh. “It’s the trick, I guess. You can earn your freedom, but at that point you’ve already served two years of a prison sentence. What will still be there when you go back?”

“I don’t think it really hit me until we were walking back today. That sudden shift in the air quality, and no warning about it. I knew it was bad, but it didn’t… I don’t think I had really processed it before then.”

Alyssa nods. “I don’t think I did, either.”

Emma closes her eyes briefly. “Half of my pay, every week, always went to my grandmother. Water’s pricey on Io; she uses that money to pay for it. I know that Barry will take care of her, but… they didn’t even let me say goodbye to her, Greene. Just one call before they dropped me into this hell, and they couldn’t give me that. I’ve done my job, been loyal, since I was sixteen. Six years and they can’t give me one call before they kill me.”

“We’re not dead yet.” Alyssa sets her hand on Emma’s shoulder. “You told me that we would do this together. That’s not changing. No matter how many days it takes, Nolan, we’re getting out of this goddamn solar system.”

Emma rubs at her eyes and gives Alyssa a strained smile. “Together, right?”

“Together.” Alyssa pats her shoulder, then leans back. “Are you hungry?”

“No. I don’t want to use what we have until we need to. We can’t be sure when we’ll find anything here that’s safe to eat.”

“True.” Alyssa hands her one of the water canisters. “You have to drink something, though.”

Emma nods and drinks some of the water. “Should we sleep in shifts? To make sure nothing gets weird during the night?”

“That’s a good idea.”

“I’ll go first,” they both say at the same time.

“Greene,” Emma says, warning in her tone.

“Don’t  _ ‘Greene’ _ me. You’re exhausted, Nolan, I can see it in your eyes.”

“I’m alright,” Emma mutters rebelliously.

“You’re tired. And you’ll need all the sleep you can get while we can, so you’re going to rest first and I’ll wake you in a few hours.”

Emma sighs. “I hate when you’re logical.”

“Yeah, because it’s how I always beat you in chess.”

“Jerk.” Emma takes the knife out of her kit and hands it to her. “Just in case?”

Alyssa nods and stands. “I’ll be right here, and I’ll wake you in a few hours. Tomorrow we’ll head towards that mountain.”

“That’s when the real fun begins, I suppose?”

“I suppose.” Alyssa rests her palm against Emma’s cheek, brushing some dust off of her skin with her thumb. “Goodnight, Nolan.”

“Goodnight, Greene,” Emma murmurs.

Alyssa goes to the front of the tent to begin replacing the oxygen canister, and Emma lies down on the floor, almost immediately drifting off to sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

_ SF91-1118 - DAY TWO _

“Eat something,” Alyssa murmurs, handing Emma half of a meal bar as they dismantle their camp setup.

“I’m fine, Greene.”

“We’re hiking towards a mountain, Nolan. For fuck’s sake, eat something.”

Emma rolls her eyes and starts to eat the bar, watching as Alyssa finishes the pack. “I’m glad I took the survival courses at the academy. I’d be screwed.”

“They were mandatory at my academy, but I didn’t think I’d have to use them.” Alyssa gives a dry laugh. “They throw people into this shit and then act all surprised that no one’s survived it yet. Figures.”

“Before we get into this, do you want to establish any sort of rules here? You’re the boss.”

Alyssa blinks. “Why am I the boss?”

Emma points at her. “Naval officer.” She points at herself. “Planetary guardsman.”

“Corporal is a Tier Four rank and Lieutenant is a Tier Three rank, so…”

“Uh-uh. None of that. Navy outranks local no matter the tier, sweetheart.”

“We don’t have ranks anymore anyway! They got dishonorably stripped from us when we got  _ convicted of treason!” _

“Too bad! As one of the only two human beings on this planet, I’m declaring you an officer again anyway!”

Alyssa prods her in the chest. “As the  _ other _ human being on this planet, maybe I should  _ promote _ you to officer just to make you shut the hell up!”

“Then I’d just write you up for insubordination and as punishment make you come up with the rules, and we’d be right back where we started.”

Alyssa opens her mouth, pauses, then closes it again. “Fuck.”

Emma spins around and punches the air. “Checkmate!”

“Enjoy it, Nolan, it’s the only checkmate you’re ever going to get on me,” Alyssa says with a scowl.

“Aw. Don’t be grumpy, Greene. It’s not a good trait in a leader.”

Alyssa sighs and rolls her eyes. “Alright, well…” She pauses and shrugs. “Rule one, never go anywhere without your basic kit. Rule two, never leave the campsite without enough oxygen to get you back. Rule three, never ingest or inhale anything without scanning it first.” She pauses again. “I think I’m out of rules.”

“Good.” Emma shrugs. “This is usually the spot in the holofilms where the commander says something like ‘no sex’ or ‘no wandering off’ and it just ends up being foreshadowing for later anyway.”

“You have a point.” Alyssa puts her kit on her back. “Are you ready to go?”

Emma finishes her half of the meal bar and nods. “Let’s go.”

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY THREE _

“Did you log that supply of billium flowers?” Alyssa asks as they stop at the edge of a river.

“Yep. And a stock of limestone.”

“Huh. I didn’t even see the limestone.”

“That’s why two eyes are better than one,” Emma replies with a grin. She pauses. “Wait. No.”

Alyssa snorts out a laugh and shoves her, then crouches down and runs a water sample through her kit. “Bit high in iron, but we could probably use some anyway. We should fill some of the containers in our kit and save some for an emergency.”

“Agreed.” Emma fills half of her containers, then cups some of the water in her hands and runs it through her hair.

“What are you doing, Nolan?” Alyssa asks with a laugh.

“Do you understand how long it’s been since I’ve showered? Give me this one thing, Greene.”

“I get it, believe me.” Alyssa rubs at her temple and frowns. “We need to decide how to get across this river anyway, so why don’t we stop here? Some of these chemicals in our kits can be combined to make soap. We might be able to at least get some of the dust off and clean our clothes.” She glances up at the sky. “Probably tomorrow, though, it’d be safer.”

“Your survival courses taught you how to make  _ soap? _ No fair.”

Alyssa shakes her head. “My mom likes chemistry. She used to show me all kinds of cool little interactions when I was a kid. Before my dad left and she had to join the navy for the money, she was going to go to school to be a chemist.” She swallows. “I… I joined because I wanted to do something that would make her proud of me.”

Emma puts an arm around Alyssa’s shoulders and pulls her closer, pressing a soft kiss to her temple. “You do make her proud, Greene,” she murmurs. “And she knows you’re innocent.”

“Nobody else will ever know.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Emma grips her shoulders. “Do you hear me? What matters is that  _ she _ knows. Okay? Hold on to that.”

Alyssa gives a shaky sigh and hugs her, and she lets herself get lost briefly as Emma holds her, arms gentle and warm around her.

“We should get camp set up,” Alyssa finally mumbles.

“Yes. A decent distance from the water’s edge, just in case it’ll rise at night.”

“Good idea.” Alyssa slowly, unwillingly, pulls away from the hug. “Do you want to set the tent up while I work on trying to make soap for the morning?”

“Sure.” Emma brushes her thumb against a shadow under Alyssa’s eyes. “You sleep first tonight, Greene.”

Alyssa shakes her head. “I’m alright.”

“I’m not saying you aren’t. I’m saying you’re sleeping first.”

Alyssa gives a small grin. “Giving me orders now, Nolan? I thought you said I was in charge.”

Emma smiles. “I’m already in trouble. A little insubordination won’t hurt anything.” She turns and walks a few feet away before taking her kit off, pulling out the tent. Alyssa watches her for a moment, then sits down and gets to work.


	5. Chapter 5

_SF91-1118 - DAY FOUR_

“I present… _soap!”_

Emma blinks as Alyssa presents the small block proudly.

“I was expecting you to be a little more impressed, Nolan.”

“Sorry. I can clap if you’d like?”

Alyssa rolls her eyes. “Fine. If you’re that disinterested, I’ll keep it all to myself.”

Emma bites her lip, as if trying to decide whether she rather continue to tease or risk the odds that Alyssa is serious. “I’m very impressed. Well done. Great job.”

“That was extremely insincere, but I’ll accept it.”

“Good.” Emma rubs the back of her neck and clears her throat. “So, uh… How… Uhm, I guess I’ll just hang out in the tent until you’re finished, and then we’ll… swap?”

Alyssa blushes. “Oh. I, uh, didn’t think about that part.” She swallows and glances behind her, towards the river. “I mean… I don’t think it would be safe to be out there alone, though.”

Emma clears her throat again. “Well, sure, but I… I don’t really…” She shrugs and looks away.

“What do you want to do, then?”

* * *

“This seems silly, Nolan.”

Emma crosses one leg over the other, her head resting in the dirt as she looks up at the sky. “I don’t know. I think it’s practical.” She spins her knife idly in her hand.

“You’re ridiculous. Are you really going to lie there on the ground the whole time?”

“Yep.”

“What if something happens?”

“I’ll get there.”

“We’ve got about five hundred and ninety-six days left together, Nolan, you’ll probably see a lot of me.”

Emma snorts. “What are you implying?”

“Shut up.” She hears Alyssa yawn. “Do you think- _shit!”_

 _“Greene!”_ Emma sits up immediately and freezes, paling as Alyssa just stares at her, only in the water up to her waist, smirking. “That’s not fair,” Emma says hoarsely.

“What’s not fair? The water was cold.”

Emma swallows, forcing her eyes to stay on Alyssa’s face. “Uh-huh.”

“Something wrong, Nolan?”

“Nope.” Emma lies back down and sets her free hand over her eyes with a sigh. “Nothing wrong at all.”

* * *

Emma sits on the edge of the riverbank and ties her boots. Alyssa puts the tent in her kit and shoulders it, then stands next to Emma, fingers lightly brushing through her damp blonde hair. “Any ideas on crossing this thing?”

“It seemed fairly shallow. We’ll just have to be careful in case it drops in the center, and we should be able to just wade across.”

“Okay.”

Emma stands and sets a hand on Alyssa’s waist. “You okay?”

Alyssa gives a small smile and nods. “Just a little nervous, I guess.”

“Hey. I’m not letting anything happen to you, Greene. I promise.”

“I don’t think this is a place we can make promises,” Alyssa whispers.

Emma presses a soft kiss to her forehead. “I’ll make one anyway.”

* * *

Alyssa gets into the water up to her waist, feeling the gentle current tapping at the bottom of her kit. “This is a bad idea, Nolan.”

“I don’t have a better one.”

“That doesn’t make me more optimistic, Nolan.”

Emma laughs and sets her hand on Alyssa’s shoulder. “You’re okay. Just keep walking, Greene.”

They get to the center of the river, and Emma’s grip on Alyssa tightens. Alyssa takes a tentative step forward, unsure, but Emma holds her back.

“Maybe, uh. Maybe I should go first?”

Alyssa shakes her head. “We do this together, right?”

Emma looks uneasy, but she nods. “Right.”

They continue forward, jostled a bit by the current, until Alyssa’s boot touches the riverbed and keeps sinking. She makes a sharp sound of fear, her head going under.

* * *

Emma grabs Alyssa’s arm and pulls her upright, taking a few quick steps forward to get her away from the loose ground. She drags Alyssa up onto the bank on the other side and lets her go, both of them catching their breath.

“Thanks,” Alyssa gasps.

“Sure.” Emma runs a hand through her hair. “It was just some loose sand, Greene. You’re okay.”

Alyssa stands up and hugs her tightly, letting out a sigh that chokes a bit. She mumbles something against Emma’s neck that Emma can’t decipher and holds her closer.

“Hey,” Emma says softly, skimming her hand soothingly against Alyssa’s lower back just below her kit. “You’re fine.”

“I’m sorry,” Alyssa whispers. “I-I don’t like water with any depth to it. It makes me nervous.”

Emma pulls back and cups Alyssa’s face in her hands. “Why didn’t you tell me? I don’t think there was another way to do that, but I could’ve at least tried to do something for you.”

Alyssa shrugs, an embarrassed flush to her cheeks. “Didn’t want you to think less of me, I guess.”

“I would never.” Emma grins at her. “Here. I’ll tell you something. I’m terrified of spiders. Doesn’t matter if they’re huge or so tiny they’re practically invisible. I don’t like them.”

Alyssa giggles, and the tremor in her voice starts to relax. “You crawl into crashed spaceships, some still burning, for a living, and you’re afraid of spiders?”

“Fire can kill spiders. Fire is my friend.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Alyssa says with a laugh.

“There it is,” Emma murmurs, brushing her thumb against Alyssa’s jaw.

“Hm?”

“The genuine, certified, Alyssa Greene smile.”

Alyssa flushes a bit and shakes her head slowly. “You’re such a dork, Nolan.”

“I know. If it works, though, right?”

“It works,” Alyssa says, almost as an afterthought.

Emma presses her lips against Alyssa’s forehead. “Come on, Greene. We still have a ways to go, and only a few more hours of light left. We should get moving.”

“You’re right. Let’s go.” Alyssa takes Emma’s hand in hers, holding it tightly, and leads her as they continue on towards the mountain.


	6. Chapter 6

_ SF91-1118 - DAY FIVE _

Emma wakes in the middle of the darkness of the tent, rolling onto her back and rubbing a hand over her eyes. “Greene,” she mumbles as she grabs her glasses and puts them on. “It’s your turn to sleep.”

When she gets no response, she squints through the shadows, seeing Alyssa sitting on her kit, staring blankly at the ground.

“Greene? Are you okay?”

Alyssa starts as if she hadn’t realized Emma is awake. “Oh. Y-Yeah.” She runs her hand over her mouth. “Hi.”

“...Hi.” Emma sits up. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing, I just… I was thinking about yesterday.”

Emma pulls herself to her feet and walks over to sit down next to her, resting her hand on Alyssa’s knee. “Did you get hurt? If you’re hurt, Greene, we can-”

“I’m not hurt, Nolan. I’m alright. I guess I’m just wondering if you heard what I said to you.”

“What part? That water makes you nervous? That’s okay; if there’s anything else like that I’ll-”

“Before that,” Alyssa interrupts.

Emma frowns. “The thank you?”

_ “No, _ the… You didn’t hear me?”

Emma just blinks at her.

“Oh. Never mind, then.”

“What was it? If it was important, Greene, then-”

“It’s not,” Alyssa says. She yawns and stands up. “I’m tired, and we have another long day ahead. Goodnight, Nolan.”

Emma pauses, confused, as Alyssa heads over to lie down. “Goodnight, Greene,” she says softly.

* * *

“Wow,” Emma says, staring up at the mountain.

“It’s beautiful,” Alyssa whispers.

Emma nods. “What do you want to do? Try climbing it, or explore around it?”

“Around first? We can keep an eye on the mountain and see how it behaves, so that when we do search higher up it we have a better idea of what to expect from it.”

“I always knew you were the smart one.”

Alyssa laughs. “I think we both are, Nolan. Which is lucky for us.”

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY SIX _

“Eat this,” Alyssa says, shoving half of a meal bar at Emma.

“We should-”

“You didn’t eat anything at all yesterday, Nolan. Do you think I didn’t notice?”

Emma glares at her and takes a bite of the bar. “I’m fine. We need to be careful with our supplies.”

“Yeah, and our  _ health. _ If you pass out on me I’ll be annoyed.”

“If I… nevermind.”

“What?”

Emma smirks and eats more of the bar. “If I pass out  _ on you, _ it’s an entirely different scenario, Greene.”

Alyssa groans and rolls her eyes. “You’re the worst.”

“I know.”

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY SEVEN _

“If you could go anywhere,” Alyssa murmurs, lying on the floor of the tent next to Emma as they listen to the rain fall outside, “where would it be?”

“Io,” Emma replies, without any hesitation. “To see my grandmother. What about you?”

“Well. It’d be nice to meet your grandmother, so Io would be nice. I miss my mom, so Mars would be nice, too. I’m also thinking the spas on FR09-7719.”

Emma groans softly. “Oh, God. I’ve only heard of them.”

“Mom took me once as a gift. It’s fucking incredible. When we survive this, I’m taking you there. We’ll have earned it.”

“Damn straight.”

“Can you imagine how good a massage would be right now? Fuck. Even just the heated baths would be a miracle.”

“Shit, Greene, do you have to bring all this up when it’s so far away from an option right now?”

“Let me dream, Nolan,” Alyssa mutters.

Emma shifts her position and prods Alyssa’s shoulder. “Sit up.”

“Hm. Don’t wanna.”

“Sit up,” Emma complains, poking her again.

“Ugh, fine.” Alyssa sits up and grumbles. “Why?”

Emma shuffles closer, her boots on either side of Alyssa’s hips from behind, and starts rubbing her hands up and down Alyssa’s back, neck, and shoulders.

_ “Shit,” _ Alyssa hisses. Her head drops forward. “Oh, fuck.”

“You seem tense,” Emma jokes. “Have a lot of stress going on in your life?”

“Not much. Just your average survive or die-  _ fuck!” _

“What the hell is a ‘survive or die fuck’?”

“I hate you,” Alyssa whimpers.

“No, you don’t.” Emma pauses her motion, pulling Alyssa back to rest against her. “Are you okay?”

Alyssa tries to think for a moment, her brain a scrambled mess. She rests her head against Emma’s shoulder and sighs. “Nope.”

“Oh. Should I-”

“Just stay there. You’re comfortable.”

Emma gives a low laugh. “Good.” She brushes her knuckles against the small of Alyssa’s back. “I’m glad I have you with me. Not that I’m glad you’re  _ here, _ but…” She shrugs. “If I had to do this with anyone, I would’ve wanted it to be you. I just wish you didn’t have to be here at all.” She pauses, rubbing the back of her neck with her other hand. “I’m really fucking up what I’m trying to say here, aren’t I?”

Alyssa laughs and turns her head, bringing her palm up to set against Emma’s cheek. “No. I understand. I’m glad I have you here to do this with me, too. I don’t think I’d have any chance of surviving without you.” She presses a kiss to Emma’s other cheek. “You’re my best friend, Nolan,” she whispers. “I can’t lose you.”

“You’re not going to, Greene,” Emma says, kissing the spot just behind Alyssa’s ear.

Alyssa closes her eyes and sighs again. “Good.”

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY EIGHT _

Alyssa wakes at a crack of thunder, startled by the noise. She blinks, a bit confused, as she realizes that she and Emma are tangled up together on the floor.

They were  _ both _ asleep.

“Stupid,” she mumbles. She starts to get up, but lingers for just a moment, enjoying the soft comfort of Emma beneath her, watching her in her sleep.

Alyssa brushes a strand of hair off of Emma’s face and kisses her on the forehead, then stands and heads over to switch out the tent’s oxygen tank.


	7. Chapter 7

_SF91-1118 - DAY NINE_

“Christ, is it just me or is it getting hotter?”

Alyssa shakes her head. “It’s been getting hotter as we’ve been getting closer to the opposite side of the mountain.”

“Weird.” Emma picks up a pearly white block. “Looks like cryolite.”

“Put it on the list.”

“What are we up to now?”

“Uh…” Alyssa checks the counter she’s been using on her chronometer. “Fifty-seven.”

“Hm.” Emma finishes her sample and sets the block back down. “I wonder if that’s a good number or a bad one.”

“I guess we’ll find out. I think- _shit!”_

Alyssa trips on a rock, nearly falling before Emma catches her.

Emma grins, her hands on Alyssa’s hips as she steadies them both. “If you keep falling for me, Greene, I might start thinking something about it.”

Alyssa, her hand tightly gripping Emma’s shoulder, rolls her eyes. “Keep dreaming, Nolan.”

“We don’t have time for dreaming.” Emma taps her finger against Alyssa’s nose and grins. “We have work to do, Greene.” She winks and takes a step back, turning and continuing around the mountain.

* * *

_SF91-1118 - DAY TEN_

“Oh… shit,” Alyssa whispers.

“Well,” Emma says slowly, staring at the hot springs down in a valley in front of them. “That explains why it was getting hotter around here.” She sets her hand lightly on Alyssa’s hip. “Wait here.”

“Huh?”

“Just… give me a second, okay?” Emma moves forward slowly, checking the ground with every step. She crouches down at the edge of one of the pools of water and takes her kit off, holding her hand above the surface for a moment before taking a sample with one of the collection containers. She pauses, hearing a faint hissing, rumbling sound, then she jerks to the side as a small geyser erupts a few feet away from her.

She hears Alyssa’s voice scream, _“NOLAN!”_ in the split second before she slams her helmet over her head.

* * *

The moment the water stops falling, Alyssa runs down the slope and grabs Emma’s shoulder, rolling her onto her side. “Nolan. _Nolan!”_

“M’alright,” Emma groans, collapsing her helmet back down. “I’m alright, Greene.”

“Christ.” Alyssa lets out a heavy sigh and sets her forehead against Emma’s. “You scared the life out of me.”

“Scared the life out of myself, too. I think- _FUCK!”_ Emma stops in the middle of trying to turn onto her back, going tense and spasming as a shiver of pain runs across her face.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know. Fuck. Shit.”

“Look at me. Nolan, look at me.” Alyssa cups Emma’s face in her hands, watching the pain glaze her hazel eyes. “Hey. Can you get up? We shouldn’t stay here.”

“I-I think so.”

Alyssa helps Emma to her feet slowly. She picks up Emma’s kit in one hand and steadies her with the other. “You’re an ass,” she mumbles as leads Emma back up away from the springs.

“What?” Emma blinks at her “Why?”

“You went down by yourself in case it was dangerous, didn’t you?”

“Well… It obviously was, so…”

“That’s not really an answer, Nolan.”

Emma pauses. “I’d die if it kept you safe, Greene. I’m willing.”

“That’s too bad, because I’m not willing to let you.” Alyssa holds Emma’s arm a little tighter. “You can’t leave me, okay?”

For a long moment, Emma just looks at her, silent. Then she murmurs, “Okay.”

* * *

Emma sits on the floor of the tent, watching Alyssa hang her kit so it can dry.

“Take off the top part of your suit,” Alyssa says.

She blushes, but still unzips her suit down to her waist. As she starts to take it off, a sharp pain arcs across her back, and she stops mid-motion, gritting her teeth.

Alyssa kneels in front of her and takes her hands in hers. “It’s okay. Let me.”

Emma meets her gaze for a moment before nodding and letting go. Alyssa carefully pushes the suit off of her shoulders and down her arms, then stands, pressing a kiss to Emma’s cheek before stepping behind her.

She takes in a sharp breath and sets her fingers on Emma’s shoulder, right next to the strap of her bra. “No wonder you’re in pain,” she whispers. “The heat went through your suit. Nowhere near as bad as it could’ve been, but you still got burned.”

“Hurts like hell,” Emma says through gritted teeth.

Alyssa brushes the fingers of her other hand through Emma’s hair, a soft, comforting gesture. “I know. I know, honey. Why don’t we take a break for a few days? We can afford it.”

Emma turns her head, looking back at her. “I don’t want to slow us down, Greene. I can figure out how to work through it.”

“I don’t give a shit if you think you can do that. You’re not going to.” Alyssa sits down in front of her and starts going through the items in her kit. “They can put us on these planets, Nolan, but they’re not making us overwork ourselves for them. They’re not making you hurt yourself _more._ I won’t let that happen.”

“You’d better not let yourself get overworked, either, Greene,” Emma says softly.

Alyssa nods, barely listening, reading labels on the chemicals they have. “Yeah. I won’t.”


	8. Chapter 8

_ SF91-1118 - DAY ELEVEN _

Alyssa sits on the floor of the tent, watching Emma sleep. She’s on her stomach, the burn on her back shifting as she breathes, an occasional pained whimper slipping from her lips through the unconsciousness.

She sets aside the concoction she’s been working on, the mix of chemicals from her kit, and slides across the floor until she’s sitting directly next to Emma, close enough to touch. She brushes her fingers slowly through Emma’s hair, soothing.

“Shh,” she whispers, even though Emma can’t hear her. “It’s okay, Nolan. I know. I know.”

The alarm on Emma’s chronometer chimes, signaling the time for their switch, but Alyssa silences it before it can wake her. She rubs her eyes with the back of her hand, gives a quiet sigh, and stays where she is for the rest of the night.

* * *

“Shit,” Emma mumbles as she sits up, stiff and uncomfortable. “I slept through my alarm. I’m so sorry, Greene, you should’ve woken me.”

“You didn’t sleep through your alarm; I turned it off.” Alyssa crouches in front of her and sets her palm against Emma’s cheek. “You were exhausted, Nolan. You needed the rest.”

“You’re tired, too,” Emma says softly.

“I know. But I’m not hurt.” Alyssa stands and walks to the front of the tent. “I’ve been putting together something that should work as a burn cream. It might sting, but it should help it heal.”

“Did you learn that when you learned the soap?” Emma asks dryly.

“No, this was just general interest. I looked up how chemicals interacted and remembered that one of them was for this.” Alyssa bites her lip. “I’m not… I’m not  _ one hundred percent _ on it. I-I don’t know if-”

“I trust you, Greene,” Emma says, her voice soft.

Alyssa swallows and nods. She picks up a small container and sits behind Emma. “Try to stay still, okay?”

“Sure. You owe me a massage, anyway.”

“You’re an idiot,” Alyssa says, choking out a laugh.

“If I was an idiot, would I be trapped on a death sentence prison planet with a pretty girl? I don’t think so Gre-  _ ow!” _

Alyssa pauses, pulling her hand away from Emma’s back. “Is it…”

“You said it might sting,” Emma says through gritted teeth. “You’re fine, Greene. Keep going.”

“Okay. Just… If something feels wrong, tell me.”

“I will.”

Alyssa applies the concoction with one hand, using the other to keep a light grip on Emma’s shoulder. She can feel Emma’s tension beneath her touch, the pain she’s holding back. When she’s done, Alyssa leans up and presses a kiss to Emma’s shoulder.

“You’re okay,” she whispers.

“I’m fine as long as I’m with you,” Emma murmurs.

She turns her head, meeting Alyssa’s gaze.

“Nolan,” Alyssa rasps, “I…”

“I know,” Emma says, a quiver in her voice. “Me too.”

Alyssa lets out a shaky sigh. “I, uh… I should go wash this stuff off my hands.”

“Yeah. Yeah, you should.” Emma stands up slowly. “I’ll go with you.”

“But I can-”

“Nobody goes alone,” Emma interrupts. “Remember?”

Alyssa nods. “When we get back, you’re eating something, though. Promise?”

“I’ll promise as long as you do, too. And as long as you promise to get some sleep.”

There’s a pause before Alyssa nods. “It’s a deal, Nolan.”

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY TWELVE _

“On a scale of one to ten-”

“Ten, Greene. It hurts a ten.”

“What if I was going to ask how attractive I am on a scale of one to ten?”

“Oh, then that would be like  _ maybe _ a six.”

“Rude.”

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY THIRTEEN _

“Once my back is healed, I’m finding edible vegetables. Maybe an animal or two. I’m so fucking tired of eating sandpaper carved into a brick.”

“It’s not  _ that _ bad, Nolan.”

“I dropped it on one of the collection containers yesterday and the container broke, Greene.”

“...Okay, maybe it is.”

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY FOURTEEN _

“Do you think every day of this is going to be this dull?”

“Speak for yourself, Greene. I’ve had quite a bit of excitement already.”

“You know what I mean, Nolan.”

“Yeah. And honestly, yeah, it probably will be.”

“Great. Thrilling. Maybe most of the people who die out here die of boredom.”

“You’re just  _ asking _ for us to be killed by a freak fire tornado or some shit, aren’t you?”

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY FIFTEEN _

“How’s your back?”

“Still hurts.”

“I read somewhere that it takes three to four weeks for a burn like that to heal.”

“Oh. Great.”

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY SIXTEEN _

Alyssa sits across from Emma, a grin on her face as she opens her kit. “I finally did it. I finally collected what I need.”

Emma raises an eyebrow. “What’s that? ...And why do you look like a kid on Christmas?”

_ “This!” _ Alyssa takes a small bag out of her kit and dumps it onto the floor, revealing a pile of small stones.

“Uh…”

Alyssa rolls her eyes and takes out a piece of the chalk they found, starting to draw a checkered board on the floor between them. “I gathered a bunch of stones that have pairs. I figure we can make them a kind of makeshift chess set.”

Emma picks up one of the rocks and studies it. “Huh. It might take a bit of getting used to, but what else do we have to do?”

“That’s the spirit.” Alyssa finishes filling in the board and starts setting the stones into spaces. “I know this is a bit out of nowhere, but… I don’t want us to lose who we are.”

“What do you mean?” Emma asks as she sets up some of the stones on the other side of the board.

“We agreed not to push ourselves too far for the sake of the people who put us here, but I also don’t want us to lose… well,  _ us.” _ Alyssa pauses before making eye contact, her voice low. “You matter too much for me to be willing to lose what we have, Nolan.”

“Hey,” Emma says softly, reaching over and taking Alyssa’s hand. “Nobody can take that away from us. Okay? They can do whatever they want to me; it’ll never make me stop caring about you, Greene.”

Alyssa swallows. “I… care about you, too.”

Emma smiles, her thumb brushing against Alyssa’s hand. She lifts it, pressing a kiss to Alyssa’s knuckles, then goes back to setting up the board.

Alyssa watches her for a long moment, then swallows again and continues as well.


	9. Chapter 9

_ SF91-1118 - DAY SEVENTEEN _

Emma wakes to a stabbing pain through her torso, and she groans as she twists and grabs at the floor of the tent.

“Nolan, stop. You’re going to make it worse.” Alyssa kneels next to her, grabbing her shoulder to try to stop her movement. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“It hurts. It’s itchy and it hurts. Jesus, please, Greene, please just make it stop.”

“I don’t know what to do,” Alyssa murmurs. She leans down, pressing a kiss to Emma’s temple. “I don’t know how to help. I can coax it to heal faster, but I don’t have anything to soften the pain. I’m sorry, Nolan.”

Emma’s breath comes out ragged and strained. “I can’t do this.”

“Yes, you can. I know you can. You overworked yourself yesterday, but you just need to relax.” Alyssa brushes her thumb lightly against the back of Emma’s neck. “Shh. It’s okay. Just focus on me. Focus on me, Nolan.”

She sets her forehead against Emma’s shoulder, getting as close to her as she can as she shudders.

“You’re okay,” Alyssa whispers. “You have to be.”

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY EIGHTEEN _

“Greene,” Emma murmurs, dozing with her head resting on her kit. “When’s the last time you slept?”

“I’m fine,” Alyssa says as she switches out the oxygen cannister.

“S’not an answer.”

“Yes, it is.”

“Greene. Would you come over here and lie down for a few minutes? Please? It’s not gonna kill you.”

Alyssa snorts. “I’m not sleeping with you, Nolan.”

“Not with that attitude you’re not.”

“I’m busy.”

Emma makes a noise of disbelief. “Doing what? Your taxes?”

“You’re being quite the annoyance today, aren’t you?” Alyssa asks with a laugh, walking over and lightly nudging Emma’s hip with her foot.

“Just want you to be safe.” Emma gives a soft sigh, her head settling a bit heavier on her kit. “All I want is for you to be safe.”

“I know you do. Go back to sleep, Nolan. You need the rest.” Alyssa turns away, covering her yawn, and goes back to her work.

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY NINETEEN _

Emma moves her makeshift knight across the board, shivering as a chill runs through her. “What day is it?”

“I don’t know,” Alyssa mumbles as she moves one of her pawns.

“They’re starting to blur together.” Emma glances at her chronometer but doesn’t retain any of the information. “I can’t even think right.”

“Mm.” Alyssa rubs at her eyes and moves a bishop.

“Greene? I haven’t gone yet.”

“Sorry. I’m not… haven’t been…”

Emma looks up at her with a frown. “Greene?”

“Need…” Alyssa trails off, a blank look on her face.

Then she slumps sideways and passes out.

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY TWENTY-ONE _

“Greene. Greene, look at me, I  _ need _ you to drink some water.”

“Don’t need it.”

“Yes. You do. And I did a count of our inventory. You’ve been giving me all the meal bars, just spilt half one day half the next, haven’t you? There aren’t enough gone.”

“I…”

“When’s the last time you ate anything, Greene?”

“Think it’s… I dunno…”

“Greene.  _ Greene!” _

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY TWENTY-TWO _

“Finally,” Emma mutters as she takes the handful of ice out of her kit. She wraps it in a small cloth and unzips Alyssa’s suit, pressing the cloth against her sternum.

Alyssa’s eyes open slowly, and she blinks up at Emma through a confused gaze. “Wha… ‘r y’doin’?”

“You’re burning up. You worked yourself straight into a fever, Greene. I finally figured out the thermal reaction that could make me some ice to help cool you down.” Emma flinches as she twists a bit too much and sends pain through her back. “I have some food and some water. You should have both of them.”

“Just wan’ you. Just wan’ you.”

Emma presses a soft kiss to Alyssa’s forehead. “I’m right here,” she whispers.

Alyssa shakes her head, eyes glazed and fogged with feverish uncertainty. “M’in love with you, Em.”

Emma stares down at her for a long moment, then brushes her thumb against Alyssa’s cheek. “I’m going to get you that water, okay? Don’t fall asleep on me again, Greene.”

She kisses her forehead again, then gets up and goes over to her kit.

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY TWENTY-THREE _

“Nolan.”

“Yes Greene?”

“What color is the sky here?”

“Green.”

“What? It’s just a question.”

“...No, I… I’m saying the color, not your name.”

“Oh.”

“Go back to sleep.”

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY TWENTY-FOUR _

“Scale of one to ten, how’s-”

“You’ve gone down a bit. You’re more like a four or a five now. Too pale and sweaty.”

“Shut up.”

“Nah.”

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY TWENTY-FIVE _

“How are you feeling?” Emma asks as she sits down across from Alyssa, wincing a little.

“Better. I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?”

Alyssa shrugs. “I should’ve been able to stay awake, but I-”

“Greene,” Emma interrupts, reaching out and taking her hand. “You’re only human. We both are. We promised that we wouldn’t do this to ourselves, and I’m not letting you blame yourself for being unable to do it anyway.”

“Sorry. I just… I wanted to be better, I guess.”

“You already are better.” Emma grins. “You just said so yourself.”

Alyssa laughs and rolls her eyes. “Yeah, yeah.” She squeezes Emma’s hand lightly. “How are you feeling?”

“Not bad. I’m still a bit sore, but I can tell that it’s almost healed.”

“Good. I’m glad.” Alyssa rubs the back of her neck with her free hand. “Man, I was loopy with that fever. My head was a mess. I’m sure I said some stupid stuff.”

“Yeah, you were pretty interesting.”

Alyssa blushes and groans. “Oh, God. What did I do?”

“Well, at one point you started singing… I think it was a Whitney Houston song? Which was entertaining to say the least.”

“Jesus Christ.”

“Sadly, that was the craziest thing you did.”

_ “Sadly?” _

Emma grins and shrugs. “What? I was hoping I’d get something embarrassing out of you.”

Alyssa reddens more. “I swear, Nolan, if I said something…”

“Nope. You’re in the clear.”

“That’s a relief.”

“I would imagine so. Guess making you sleep kept you from doing something you’d regret.” Emma rolls over, lying down and setting her head on her kit. “You can thank me later, Greene.”


	10. Chapter 10

_SF91-1118 - DAY TWENTY-SIX_

“I spy… something that needs more rest.”

“Is it you?”

“That’s an option, but I was thinking of you, Greene.”

“I’ve rested enough.”

“You’re hilarious.”

* * *

_SF91-1118 - DAY TWENTY-SEVEN_

“Hey. Hey, Nolan.”

“Hm?”

“Are you as fucking bored of this tent as I am?”

“Possibly more.”

“Great. They could’ve at least given us a deck of cards or something.”

“If they ask us what we need and you say ‘cards’ not ‘food’ or ‘a first aid kit’, I might kill you, Greene.”

* * *

_SF91-1118 - DAY TWENTY-EIGHT_

“How are you feeling?”

“Better. You?”

“Better. Do you want to try continuing on our way tomorrow?”

“Yeah. Granted, the next step is to head up the mountain.”

“Right… Maybe we should wait a few more days?”

“Probably for the best.”

* * *

_SF91-1118 - DAY THIRTY-THREE_

Alyssa frowns as Emma uses her knight to capture Alyssa’s queen. “That’s rude.”

“That’s chess. And trust me, the number of times you obliterate me in this game, Greene, you don’t have any room to complain.”

“I’m not a great loser.”

Emma scoffs. “Oh, believe me, you’ll probably still win.” She gives a small grin. “Unless…” She reaches over and steals Alyssa’s king off the board. “Whoops, the king’s been abducted for ransom. Too bad. Looks like the assassin’s win.”

Alyssa gives her an offended look. “Give it back.”

“Nah.”

“Nolan!” Laughing, Alyssa lunges over the board at her, not caring as the stone pieces scatter across the floor.

Emma laughs as Alyssa hits her head-on, sending them both rolling, until Alyssa is pinned to the floor underneath her with her hands pressed down by Emma’s.

“Oh,” Alyssa whispers, breathless, staring up into Emma’s eyes.

“...Yeah,” Emma murmurs, equally out of breath, so close to Alyssa their noses are almost touching.

Alyssa swallows. “We, uhm… We should get ready. To leave.”

Emma pulls her head back a bit, but it takes longer for her to loosen her grip on Alyssa’s wrists. “Yeah. You’re right.”

* * *

_SF91-1118 - DAY THIRTY-FOUR_

Emma finishes packing up her kit as Alyssa disassembles the tent. “Wow. We’re going to spend more than just a few minutes in fresh air. I’m not sure what to do with myself.”

Alyssa snorts. “Knowing you? You’ll probably immediately do something dangerous and almost get yourself killed.”

“Insulting, but accurate.”

“Why do you do this to yourself?” Alyssa puts her kit over her shoulders and falls into step beside her as they start walking towards the flattest route up the mountain. “Why do you do this to me?”

Emma shrugs. “It’s a habit.”

“That’s a bullshit answer, and you know it.”

“Uhm.” Emma takes Alyssa’s hand and helps her over a boulder. “Well, I… I’d do anything for you, I guess. That’s really all it is.”

“Please don’t give me that responsibility. I couldn’t bear it if something happened to you and it was my fault.”

“It’s not that it would be _your fault._ I just would rather I die than you die.” Emma loops her thumbs in the straps of her kit. “Look, Greene, I… If they had told me that I wasn’t getting this punishment because I’m not military, but _you_ still were getting it, I would’ve told them to fuck off and demanded that they send me with you. Even if it is a death sentence.”

“Why?” Alyssa whispers.

“Because whether you survived or died out here, I wouldn’t be able to live with the knowledge that you had to go through it alone.”

Alyssa closes her eyes briefly, her hand instinctively reaching out and linking with Emma’s. “Please. Please, don’t die for me.”

Emma leans over and presses a kiss to her temple. “I’ll do my best, Greene.”

* * *

_SF91-1118 - DAY FORTY_

“You’re restless today,” Alyssa laughs, watching Emma pace the tent. “I know we don’t have any caffeine, so where’d you get the ener-”

“We need to talk,” Emma interrupts briskly.

“...Okay?”

“I’m in love with you.”

Alyssa pales. “Nolan…”

“No, I know, I know what we talked about, but I don’t give a shit. We’re not separated by lightyears anymore, Greene, we’re right here. We’re _right here,_ and I… I _want you._ I just want you.” Emma walks towards her, but Alyssa holds her hand up. Emma makes a frustrated noise. “Really? We’re going to die out here, and you’re still _waiting?”_

“Maybe.” Alyssa swallows. “Maybe I just wanted to kiss you first.”

“What-”

She grabs the collar of Emma’s suit and drags her forward, kissing her deeply. Emma slides her hands down to the back of Alyssa’s legs, giving Alyssa just enough time to lock her hands behind Emma’s neck before she pulls Alyssa’s legs up and gently sets them both down on the floor of the tent.

“Alyssa,” Emma breathes against her neck.

Alyssa groans and tugs Emma back up to kiss her.

“Greene,” Emma mumbles against her lips.

“Stop talking,” Alyssa whispers, her eyes tightly closed.

“Greene,” Emma says, more insistently.

_“What?”_

Alyssa’s eyes snap open, and she looks around the tent, confused.

Emma is standing over her, frowning. “It’s your turn to keep watch?”

“Uhm… I… What…” Alyssa rubs at her eyes, the fogginess in her brain starting to clear. When it clears fully, she flushes. “Oh, God,” she mumbles.

“Are you okay?” Emma asks, confusion in her eyes.

Alyssa clears her throat and stands up. “Yep. Yep. I’m fine. Perfectly fine.”

“...Alright…” Emma brushes her hand against Alyssa’s shoulder. “If you’re sure you’re good, I’ll get to sleep?”

Alyssa nods a little too quickly. “Yeah. That’s great.”

“Okay.” Emma blinks. “Are you sure-”

“Just go to sleep, Nolan,” Alyssa says.

Emma gives her a long look, still confused, then heads over to her kit.

Alyssa swallows and sits down on top of hers, putting her head in her hands as she tries to steady her breath.

After a long moment, she mutters, “Shit.”


	11. Chapter 11

_ SF91-1118 - DAY FORTY-ONE _

“Look at that view,” Emma murmurs, setting her hand on Alyssa’s shoulder as they eat some berries their kits identified as safe.

Alyssa lifts her head, looking out at the planet below them from their spot on the mountain. “Wow,” she whispers. “You know, I’ve seen a lot of places in my job, but I’ve never really taken the time to truly  _ look _ at them. It really is incredible, huh?”

“It is.” Emma gives a soft sigh and squeezes her grip. “Do you think… Do you think they’ll really let us go when we beat these planets?”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just something that’s been nagging at me. Has no one  _ really _ ever beaten this? And if no one really ever has, is it just a good excuse for them to claim that they’ll let us go if we work for them?”

Alyssa is quiet for a long moment. “I don’t know. I really don’t have an answer to that, Nolan. All I know is that I’m going to do everything I can to try and fight, and if that’s not good enough for them… well, at least I know I did my best.”

Emma silently eats a few more berries. “Yeah. That’s my plan, too.”

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY FORTY-TWO _

“Hey, grab a sample of that juniper bush.”

“Yes, Lieutenant Greene. As you wish, Lieutenant Greene.”

“Fuck off.”

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY FORTY-THREE _

“Did you just take both my knights within two turns?”

“Take better care of them next time, Nolan.”

“You’re so mean.”

“Yeah, I know.”

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY FORTY-FOUR _

“You really still won’t look anywhere near me while we get cleaned off? We’re stuck together, Nolan, you’re gonna have to get used to it eventually. We both will.”

“It’s called being polite, Greene.”

“Oh, and I’m not polite.”

“I didn’t say that. Out loud.  _ Hey!” _

“If you’re going to be a jerk, you’re going to get splashed with water. That’s the rule.”

“Who the hell made that a rule?”

“I did.”

“Greene, don’t make rules you’ll regret.”

“Are you threatening your superior officer, Nolan?”

“Who the hell’s gonna stop me?”

“Maybe I am.”

“I doubt that.”

“Sadly, I doubt it, too.”

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY FORTY-FIVE _

“We’re low on food. We should try to find more edible plants, or some fish or something.”

“Yeah, or you can just not eat or sleep for a few days again.”

“I’m not living that down anytime soon, am I?”

“No.”

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY FORTY-SIX _

Alyssa struggles to take in a breath and looks down at the monitor on her sleeve. “Put your helmet up, Nolan,” she says as she looks behind her to check on Emma. “We’re getting to thinner parts of the atmosphere.”

“Ah. Here I was thinking I was just forgetting how to breathe,” Emma mutters as she slides her helmet up.

“It’s getting hot again.”

“I’m not checking out any more springs.”

Alyssa fights off a smile. “I’d probably punch you if you tried.”

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY FORTY-SEVEN _

“Shit,” Emma whispers, stopping in her tracks.

“What?”

“Can’t go any higher. Look at that thing.”

Alyssa frowns as she studies the steep rockface in front of them. “That’s so bizarre. It was a relatively easy hike before now.”

“Nature does what nature does.” Emma glances up at the sky. “It’s getting dark. Why don’t we rest for the night, then take a few days to look around this area for supplies before heading back down?”

“Sounds like a plan.”

* * *

“Can I ask you something?” Alyssa says as she moves a pawn on the board.

“Sure. What’s up?”

“Did you ever… I mean, after that talk we had… you know.  _ The _ talk… Did you see anyone?”

Emma blinks at her from her spot across from her, sprawled on her side on the floor. “Oh. Uhm. No.”

“Why?”

“I just wasn’t particularly interested in anyone, I guess. It didn’t feel right.” Emma moves her knight to capture Alyssa’s bishop. “Did you see anyone?”

“No,” Alyssa says quietly, moving her queen.

Emma sits up, giving her a curious look. “What brought this up?”

“Nothing specific, just… I guess it just came to mind at some point, and I wanted to ask.”

“You know you’ve always been the only girl for me, Greene,” Emma says with a casual laugh, laying back down and moving her knight again, this time to threaten Alyssa’s rook.

“Yeah,” Alyssa says softly, watching as Emma runs a hand through her hair. “Sure.”

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY FIFTY _

Emma grabs the back of Alyssa’s kit to keep her from sliding a few feet down the mountain. “Careful, Greene.”

Alyssa grips Emma’s arm and uses it to pull herself to stable ground, putting herself face-to-face with Emma. “Thank you,” she murmurs.

“You’re welcome,” Emma says softly.

They just stare at each other for a long moment, until Alyssa bows her head and clears her throat. “We should keep moving.”

“Yeah. Yeah, we should.”

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY FIFTY-ONE _

“Oh, wow, look at you, you’re eating food  _ and _ drinking water!”

“Fuck off, Nolan.”

“Never.”

* * *

_ SF91-1118 - DAY FIFTY-TWO _

Emma pauses in the middle of setting up the tent, watching Alyssa pace back and forth with a nervous energy. “What’s the matter?”

“I have a confession to make.”

“I’m not a priest.”

“Thank God for that,” Alyssa mutters.

“Huh?”

“Look, can you just… Can you shut up and listen to what I’m trying to say?”

Emma puts her hands in her pockets and leans back on her heels. “...Yeah? Greene, seriously, what-”

“I had a dream about you.”

Emma pauses. “What? What kind of-”

“The kind where you kissed me.”

She pauses again. “Oh.” She takes one hand back out of her pocket and rubs her neck. “Greene…”

“I don’t give a shit anymore, Nolan. I  _ want _ you. I want you, and I’m not dying out here without knowing what it’s like to have you.”

Emma stares at her, and Alyssa starts to take a step back, anxiety making her stomach turn. She’s about to speak again, to try to take it all back, when Emma walks forward and sets her hands on Alyssa’s hips.

“I want you, too,” she whispers.

Alyssa lets out a heavy sigh of relief. “Please. Please, Nolan, just kiss me.”

Emma gives her a soft smile before leaning forward.

Her lips have just barely brushed Alyssa’s when she feels a sharp, stabbing pain against the side of her neck, and she drops to the ground, the world going black.

* * *

_ SF91-1119 - DAY ONE _

Emma groans as she opens her eyes. She looks around, realizing quickly that she’s in the same type of box she was in when she woke up on Curie. Emma pushes at the lid, irritated, the feels along the edge until she finds the latch to release it.

The sky above her is pale blue and quiet, and something about the silence makes her shudder. She checks the monitor on her sleeve and frowns.

“Great,” she mutters to herself. “Unsafe to breathe; too high in nitrogen.”

She holds her breath before taking the box’s mask off of her face and sliding her helmet up, then climbs out of the coffin.

Something’s wrong.

“Greene?” Emma calls out.

There are two crates of supplies near her, but no other box like the one she was in.

“What the fuck,” Emma whispers.

She walks over to one of the crates, picking up a notepad set on top of it.

On the first page, typed in a thin, neat font, is a message.

_ RESOURCE PRISONER N-75- _

_ AMONG THESE CRATES YOU WILL FIND HALF OF THE SUPPLIES YOU EARNED WHILE ON SF91-1118. DUE TO AN INCOMING SOLAR STORM, IT WAS DETERMINED THAT YOU HAD TO BE REMOVED FROM THE PLANET EARLY. _

_ ADDITIONALLY, YOU AND RESOURCE PRISONER G-142 COLLECTED THREE TIMES THE AMOUNT OF RESOURCES NORMALLY COLLECTED ON FIRST PLANETS. IN ORDER TO DETERMINE YOUR INDIVIDUAL WORTH, AS WELL AS TO JUDGE WHETHER THE PLANET YOU WERE INITIALLY ASSIGNED WAS SIMPLY A RARITY, YOU HAVE BEEN SEPARATED. THE NUMBER OF RESOURCES YOU EACH GATHER ON THE PLANETS YOU HAVE BEEN ASSIGNED TO WILL DETERMINE WHETHER YOU ARE ALLOWED TO CONTINUE ON TOGETHER OR SEPARATELY. _

_ -THE TRIBUNAL _

“No,” Emma whispers. “No, no, no, no, no.” She tosses the notepad down and jumps onto one of the crates. “Greene! Greene!” she screams.  _ “ALYSSA!” _

She gets no response from the pale blue sky above her.


	12. Chapter 12

_ SF91-1119 - DAY TWO _

_ Dear Greene, _

_ They left this whole notebook here. Figured I’d use it, just in case. I don’t know. I’m not sure you’d even see this if something did happen, but it makes me feel a bit better, I guess. _

_ I named SF91-1119. It’s “Jemison,” after Mae Jemison. I know you did a paper on her at the academy, and I think it makes me feel less alone out here if I name this place something for you. _

_ I don’t know how to do this, Greene. I really don’t. _

_ Best, Nolan _

* * *

_ SF91-1120 - DAY ONE _

_ Dear Nolan, _

_ I don’t know why I’m compelled to write a log of my time here, but I think it hasn’t quite sunk in that I’m alone. That we’re both alone. It’s the only think I truly, deeply did not want to happen to either of us, and… here we are. _

_ Well. Here I am. _

_ I don’t understand what we did wrong. What we did to deserve this. _

_ Can I confess something? It’s only been hours and I already miss you. I don’t know how I’ll last two whole months. _

_ -Greene _

* * *

_ SF91-1119 - DAY FIVE _

_ Dear Greene, _

_ I’m doing everything I can to find as many resources as possible on this rock. I’ll make them bring us back together, no matter what it takes. I’ll do anything. _

_ Best, Nolan _

* * *

_ SF91-1120 - DAY TWENTY-THREE _

_ Dear Nolan, _

_ I finally decided on a name for this planet. _

_ Anning. _

_ Do you remember that conversation the day we first met? You ended up rambling at me about the history of paleontology of all things, and I’ve never admitted this before, but I think a part of my heart became yours right from that moment. It was too adorable. _

_ Somedays I wish we could just go back to that day. Young and stupid and naive. _

_ I don’t want to know this, Nolan. _

_ -Greene _

* * *

_ SF91-1120 - DAY THIRTY-ONE _

_ Dear Nolan, _

_ I’m too afraid to sleep. _

_ There’s something outside the tent at night. I hear it pacing. Breathing. Growling. _

_ It’s always gone by morning, but I can see pawprints in the dirt. _

_ I don’t know what to do. _

_ -Greene _

* * *

_ SF91-1119 - DAY THIRTY-NINE _

_ Dear Greene, _

_ I’m trying. I’m still trying. I just don’t know what to write. _

_ I’m tired. I’m scared. I know I need to rest, but what if I rest and I’m the reason they don’t let us have each other again? _

_ I can’t risk it, Greene. I have to just keep going. _

_ Love, Nolan _

* * *

_ SF91-1120 - DAY FORTY _

_ Dear Nolan, _

_ Whatever’s out there tried to flip the tent last night. It’s big, but not big enough to do that, at least. _

_ I need sleep. I need to eat. I know what you’d say if you knew I wasn’t doing enough of either. _

_ Your voice is in my head scolding me sometimes, and I think a part of me likes hearing it even if I know it’s right. _

_ Yeah, I said it, I don’t even like when your imaginary voice in my head is right. Deal with it, Nolan. _

_ -Greene _

* * *

_ SF91-1119 - DAY FIFTY-TWO _

_ Dear Greene, _

_ I half expected them to take me again today. It didn’t happen. _

_ I’m not sure if I wanted them to come early and get me out of this hell, or if I wanted to make sure I had the extra time to get as many days of searching as I can. _

_ I lost a day yesterday. Couldn’t keep going at the pace I was at. I’m sorry. _

_ Best, Nolan _

* * *

_ SF91-1120 - DAY FIFTY-SIX _

_ Dear Nolan, _

_ It didn’t come back last night. I chanced stepping outside the tent and looking up at the sky, and I think I found the planet you’re on. It looks so far away. So lonely. _

_ Are you as lonely as I am? _

_ I found a pebble yesterday that looks exactly like the ones you use as your knights when we play chess. I maybe broke down a bit. I hope you still have the set in your kit. I hope we still get to play. _

_ There’s only four days of this left, and I still don’t know if I can do it. I need you, Nolan. I need you more than I ever thought I could need anyone. _

_ -Greene _

* * *

_ SF91-1119 - DAY FIFTY-NINE _

_ Dear Greene, _

_ I don’t know what happens tomorrow. I don’t know if you’ll ever see this, or if I’ll ever see you again, or even if I’ll ever get off this planet. I’ve come to accept that I don’t know much of anything anymore. _

_ There’s really only one thing that I know. _

_ I love you, Alyssa Greene. _

_ No matter what happens out here, even if I never get to say it to you in person, I hope you know it. I hope you can hold it in your heart. I hope that you get to continue in this godforsaken task, and I hope you win it. _

_ I hope someday you get to be free, Alyssa. Even if it isn’t with me. For me, loving you isn’t about needing to be beside you every moment of every day. It’s just a part of who I am. _

_ Love, Emma _


	13. Chapter 13

_SF91-1121 - DAY ONE_

Emma pushes the lid open and takes her mask off without even bothering to check the air quality. She sits up, and her blood runs cold.

She’s the only one there.

An exhaustion heavier than any she’s ever felt sinks over her, and she lies back down, staring up at the cloudy white sky.

She can’t do this anymore.

* * *

She doesn’t get up until the sky starts to darken.

She makes her way over to the crates and picks up another notepad left on the crates, pushing her glasses closer to her tired eyes as she tries to read the letter written on it.

_RESOURCE PRISONER N-75-_

_WE REGRET TO INFORM YOU THAT THE COMBINED TOTAL RESOURCE COLLECTION OF YOU AND RESOURCE PRISONER G-142 IS EIGHTY. THE REQUIRED TOTAL TO ALLOW YOU TO CONTINUE TOGETHER WAS EIGHTY-THREE._

Emma scoffs. “Well, that sounds like bullshit.”

_WHILE WE ARE UNABLE TO REWARD YOU FOR FAILURE, IT WAS AGREED THAT YOUR TOTAL IS CLOSE ENOUGH TO THE REQUIREMENT TO ALLOW YOU A SECOND OPPORTUNITY TO EARN A REUNION. YOU AND PRISONER G-142 ARE NO LONGER ON SEPARATE PLANETS. IF YOU FIND EACH OTHER, YOU WILL BE ALLOWED TO CONTINUE ON TOGETHER._

Emma stares down at the words on the page before lifting her head, staring out at the forest and hills in front of her. “Alyssa,” she whispers.

* * *

_THERE IS ALSO ANOTHER RESOURCE TOTAL FOR YOU TO MEET. IF YOU AND RESOURCE PRISONER N-75 COMBINE FOR A NUMBER ABOVE THIS TOTAL, YOU WILL RECEIVE AN ADDITIONAL REWARD._

_-THE TRIBUNAL_

“What kind of bullshit is this?” Alyssa mutters. She traces her thumb over one of the instances of ‘N-75’ and swallows, then looks around her location.

She’s at the base of a mountain, right near a partially-frozen lake.

“Walk and search, or stay where I am under the guess that Nolan will find me,” Alyssa whispers to herself, thinking out loud.

She paces for a moment, considering, calculating her odds.

And she places her bet on Emma Nolan.

* * *

_SF91-1121 - DAY TWO_

Emma stands on top of a hill made of green rock, looking out at the red sandy plains in front of her. There’s a mountain in the distance, tall with ice caps, and she glances down to check the air.

“Well. On the first planet we headed for the mountain. Let’s see if it works this time.”

She runs a hand through her hair, sighs, and starts walking.

* * *

_SF91-1121 - DAY THREE_

Alyssa studies the new version of the tent she has, an upgrade that’s about as small but has a few new features including a firebox that vents through a system that doesn’t allow potentially-dangerous outside air in. She keeps it off as much as she can, putting up with the cold to preserve power and supplies.

Daily, she makes trips into the surrounding area, looking for resources.

And constantly keeping an eye out for Emma.

* * *

_SF91-1121 - DAY FOUR_

Emma lies in the dirt, staring at the sky.

She feels something move across her suit, and she jerks, sitting up quickly.

A tiny lizard, no bigger than the palm of her hand, stares at her from her knee.

“Really?” she says dryly. “I have enough problems. You don’t need to try to live on me, too.”

The lizard just sticks its tongue out at her.

Emma sighs and holds out a gloved hand, letting the lizard climb into her palm, where it immediately curls up and goes to sleep.

“Great.”

* * *

_SF91-1121 - DAY FIVE_

Alyssa tosses and turns as she tries to sleep, her thoughts crowded by one single, obsessive fear.

What if Emma _doesn’t_ find her?

* * *

_SF91-1121 - DAY SIX_

Emma gets to the base of the mountain and looks up at it, pausing to catch her breath. “Wow,” she says softly. “That’s quite the mountain.” She looks from side to side, trying to decide on a direction.

“What do you think?” she asks the lizard perched on her shoulder.

It just flicks its tongue out at her.

“Helpful.”

She closes her eyes and thinks, then shakes her head.

“Screw it,” she mutters. She starts to turn to the right, pauses, then turns left and starts walking.

* * *

_SF91-1121 - DAY SEVEN_

Alyssa tosses her kit into the corner of the tent and steps outside, breathing in the fresh air.

She just wants to walk. Move. Do _something._

She sets out around the lake, not even looking for resources, just trying to find some way to calm herself down for just a moment.

After a few minutes of wandering, Alyssa turns and heads back towards the tent, but she stops in her tracks when the ground below her shifts.

And slides.

And _cracks._

She tries to run, but there’s no chance, and she knows it.

Ice she didn’t see collapses beneath her, and she plummets into the freezing cold lake.

Alyssa struggles under the surface, trying to find the hole she fell through, but all she can find is solid ice above her. She tries to open her eyes, but the water burns, and even when she manages to stand it, everything is too murky to see anything anyway.

If she had her kit, she’d have a knife. An ax. A climbing pick.

It’s all back in her tent.

She’s on the last remnants of her ability to hold her breath, slipping closer and closer to darkness, and the last thing she remembers before she blacks out is the sensation of something grabbing onto her wrist and pulling.

* * *

Alyssa wakes in front of the firebox, out of her suit and bundled in more blankets than she’s supposed to have access to.

She opens her eyes slowly, confused, and sees her suit drying a few feet away.

“What…” she rasps.

As she becomes more conscious of her surroundings, she realizes that she’s not lying fully on the floor.

Her head is resting on someone’s lap, one of their hands brushing up and down Alyssa’s arm, the other gently stroking her hair.

She feels a soft, warm kiss press against her forehead, and Emma’s voice, light, teasing, thick with emotion, says, “Rule one, Greene. Don’t go anywhere without your kit.”

Alyssa swallows, and she feels tears well up in her eyes as she looks up.

Even tired, sweaty, and covered in dirt, Emma Nolan is the most beautiful thing Alyssa Greene has ever seen.

She chokes on her words for a moment, trying not to cry, until she finally manages to whisper, “Emma.”


	14. Chapter 14

_ SF91-1121 - DAY EIGHT _

When Alyssa wakes, she’s alone in the tent.

A surge of panic rushes through her, and she starts to pull the blankets off of herself, looking around, until the tent opens and Emma steps inside.

Emma blinks at her briefly before averting her eyes and starting at the roof of the tent. “Need I remind you that you’re not wearing clothes?”

Alyssa pulls some of the blankets back over herself. “You’re real,” she whispers.

Emma looks back down at her, eyes soft. “Of course I’m real.” She sets her kit down and walks over, kneeling down as Alyssa starts to cry. “What, Greene, were you dreaming about me?”

“The whole time,” Alyssa says, her voice hoarse. “God, Emma, I dreamed about you the whole time.”

For a moment, Emma just stares at her, looking surprised. Then she leans forward and presses a kiss to Alyssa’s forehead. “I dreamed about you, too, Alyssa Greene.”

“Please don’t leave me again. I couldn’t bear it.”

Emma strokes her thumb against Alyssa’s cheek. “I’ll do whatever I can to make sure I won’t. I promise.”

Alyssa lays back down sigh a soft sigh. “Where were you?”

“Gathering some resources. I didn’t want to lose much time while I waited for you to rest.”

“I’m sorry I’ve been useless. I thought that if I stayed in one place, you’d have a better chance of finding me.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. I can handle it.”

Alyssa smiles. “Now who’s overworking themselves?”

Emma laughs and brushes her hand over Alyssa’s hair again. “I’ll rest after I’ve told the tribunal to go fuck themselves.”

“A noble pursuit.” Alyssa frowns as a lizard skitters onto Emma’s shoulder. “Uh… Do you know you have…”

“Hm?” Emma glances over at it. “Oh. Yeah. This is Lettuce. He’s my lizard.”

“...How did you get a lizard?”

“Truthfully, I think a lizard got me.”

Alyssa pauses as Lettuce sticks his tongue out at her. “Fair enough.”

Emma reaches over and picks up a container of water, holding it out to Alyssa. “You should drink. You haven’t in a while, and I’m sure you got some saltwater in you.”

“Do we have enough to-”

“We’re fine. I’ve been melting and purifying some snow, and I’ve also been desalinifying some of the water you tried to drown yourself in.”

Alyssa pouts as she drinks. “It was an accident.”

Emma grins. “I know.”

After a long moment, Alyssa closes her eyes and sets the container down. “Are you… We should talk, right? We haven’t seen each other in… God, I don’t even want to say it.”

“You’re still recovering. It’s okay. We can talk tomorrow.” Emma lifts Alyssa’s hand and kisses her knuckles. “We have  _ time, _ Alyssa. It’s okay. We have time.”

Alyssa swallows. “I’m just worried about how much.”

* * *

_ SF91-1121 - DAY NINE _

Alyssa finishes zipping up her suit and steps out of the tent. Emma is lying on the ground, facing the sky, her eyes closed.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Emma murmurs. “Just taking a moment.”

“Do you want to be alone?”

“Never.”

Alyssa hesitates briefly before lying down perpendicular to Emma, resting her head on Emma’s stomach. Emma sets her hand on Alyssa’s hair, thumb gently brushing back and forth across her forehead.

“I was so scared,” Alyssa admits quietly. “When we were separated. I knew I could manage. Could survive. But I wasn’t sure I could stand any of it without you.”

Emma is silent, focusing on the sky and the feeling of Alyssa’s skin beneath her touch.

“...Nolan?”

“I think,” Emma whispers, “to some degree, I  _ did _ lose my mind without you. I could barely sleep. Barely ate. My mind went on one single track, an obsessive need to find as many resources as I could. Nothing mattered but doing everything I was physically capable of to get back to you.”

Alyssa’s hand raises and links with hers.

“I’m sorry, Alyssa. I should’ve done better.”

“What?” Alyssa sits up and frowns down at her. “What do you mean?”

“I didn’t do enough.” Emma turns her head, looking away. “They put us apart again.”

“Em, are you serious?” Alyssa brushes her fingers under Emma’s chin and turns her face back towards her. “Do you really think they picked  _ sixty-three _ as their threshold? What for?”

Emma pauses. “They set us up?”

“I thought you were the smart one.”

Emma glares up at her. “I’m so fucking tired, Greene.”

Alyssa gives a quiet laugh and kisses her on the forehead. “I know. But think it through. What are the odds that we’d get  _ just three off? _ That there’d be a solar storm right when we were about to kiss? Something’s wrong, Em. I just don’t know what.”

Emma links her fingers with Alyssa’s and squeezes. “We’ll figure it out.”

With her other hand, Alyssa brushes her fingers along Emma’s jaw, ducking a bit below the collar of Emma’s suit. “As much as it pains me to say,” she says, her voice low, “we should probably avoid kissing until we know what they want from us.”

“We’ve managed to avoid it for years. What’s another few months?”

Alyssa’s eyes are dark as she glances at Emma’s lips. “Sure. Just a few months.”

Emma swallows. “We’ve survived worse, right?”

Alyssa gives a hoarse laugh. “Ask me when it’s over.”


	15. Chapter 15

_ SF91-1121 - DAY TEN _

“Hey.” Emma sits down across from Alyssa and takes out a piece of chalk. “I was wondering…” She starts drawing a board on the floor, and Alyssa grins.

“You still have the chess set?”

“Yep. I was worried I lost a few pieces, but I just counted them wrong.” Emma pours the makeshift pieces onto the ground before passing a piece of leaf to the lizard sitting on her shoulder.

“Are you really going to keep the lizard?”

“Yeah.”

“How are you going to get him to the other planets? What will you do if he can’t eat plants not native to this planet?”

“I’ll figure it out.” Emma pouts. “Lettuce is a friend.”

Alyssa smiles and gives a small shake of her head. “When we finish this, are you going to be like this when we settle down and get a dog?”

Emma leans back on her hands, giving Alyssa a long look. “Haven’t even kissed yet and you’re already talking about settling down? You move fast, Greene.”

Alyssa gently kicks her leg. “You’re basically living with me already.”

“I have my own tent now. Maybe I want to move out.” Emma looks up after she finishes giving another piece of leaf to Lettuce, and she frowns when she sees the stricken look on Alyssa’s face. “...Greene?”

“S-Sorry, I just… It’s nothing.”

Emma takes the lizard off her shoulder and shifts up onto her knees, moving closer to Alyssa. “Hey. I’m not leaving you.” She cups Alyssa’s face in her hands and kisses her on the forehead. “I’m not leaving you, Alyssa. I was just joking.”

Alyssa lets out a shaky sigh. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I know that, I just… There’s this panic in my chest whenever I even think of the  _ idea _ of you not being with me.”

“I get it. It’s okay.” Emma presses a kisses to Alyssa’s cheek. “Let’s play a game, Greene. Just like we always did. Just you and me. Everything will be okay.”

Alyssa rests her forehead against Emma’s. “When you say it,” she murmurs, “I actually believe it.”

* * *

_ SF91-1121 - DAY ELEVEN _

“What are you doing?”

“Just looking at you.”

“Why?”

“You’re nice to look at.”

* * *

_ SF91-1121 - DAY TWELVE _

“Nolan, I’m telling you right now, if you hit me with a snowball, I’m going to stab you.”

“That’s not very nice. You just looked hot.”

“I’m always hot. Put it down.”

“But…”

“Put it do-  _ NOLAN!” _

* * *

_ SF91-1121 - DAY THIRTEEN _

“I just want real food. Like honestly the first thing I’m going to do is shower and change but the very next thing I’m doing is finding somewhere I can eat as much as I want. I don’t even care if it makes me sick. I just want to eat it.”

“Fuck. I don’t know if I even remember what real food tastes like.”

“I think I had a dream the other night that was just me eating a bowl of grits. How pathetic is that? I’m half-starving and the first thing my brain thinks of to fake-eat is  _ grits. _ Not even a steak or some ice cream or something.”

“I guess your subconscious just really likes grits.”

“Guess so.”

* * *

_ SF91-1121 - DAY FOURTEEN _

“If you watch real closely, she’ll mix everything together, and then it’ll-”

“Nolan, are you narrating me making soap to your lizard?”

“...Maybe.”

“Why.”

“He likes to be included.”

* * *

_ SF91-1121 - DAY FIFTEEN _

Emma opens her eyes when she hears a quiet whimpering sound. She turns her head and sees Alyssa curled up on her side, shaking, hiding her face in her hands.

“Alyssa? Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Alyssa says, her voice thick. “I-I’m fine.”

“You’re clearly not.” Emma sets her hand on Alyssa’s shoulder, and she turns towards her, face covered in tears. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

“It’s stupid.” Alyssa bites her lip. “It’s nothing. It’s stu-”

“Lys,” Emma interrupts. “Tell me.”

“I-I…” Alyssa chokes out a sob. “I miss my mom.”

Emma stares at her for a moment before pulling her in close, holding her and stroking her back as she cries against her neck. “It’s okay, Alyssa,” she murmurs. “You’re allowed to. You’re allowed to feel and you’re allowed to be scared.”

“I just want to go home, Em,” Alyssa whispers against Emma’s skin. “I just want to go home.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Emma kisses her temple and hugs her tighter. “Let me be home, Alyssa, at least for now. I’ll give you whatever shelter I can.”

Alyssa snuggles in against Emma and lets out a shaky sigh. “I love you. God, Emma, I love you so much.”

“I love you, too.” Emma rolls onto her back, pulling Alyssa on top of her and running her hands gently up and down Alyssa’s back. “Just rest, Alyssa. Rest. I’ve got you.” She kisses Alyssa’s forehead as she starts to drift off to sleep. “I’ve got you, and I’m never letting go.”


	16. Chapter 16

_ SF91-1121 - DAY SIXTEEN _

“Emma,” Alyssa murmurs, staring down at her as she sleeps. “Emma.  _ Emma!” _

“Hm. Wha.” Emma opens her eyes and squints up at her. “What?”

“We overslept.”

“I didn’t realize we had appointments even when we were the only people on the planet,” Emma grumbles.

Alyssa laughs. “I mean that we need to use the daylight we have.” She puts her hands on either side of Emma’s head to start to get up, and her body shifts with the movement, pressing down full-length on Emma.

Emma pales. “U-Uh.”

“Sorry,” Alyssa rasps.

They stare at each other for a long moment, then Alyssa starts to lean down.

Their lips just barely brush, a near-kiss, but Emma pulls her head back before it can become a real one.

“Alyssa,” she whispers.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” Emma brushes a strand of hair behind Alyssa’s ear. “Believe me, I’m not. It’s okay.”

Alyssa sighs and rests her forehead against Emma’s. “I’m frustrated. It’s frustrating. They want me to die anyway, why can’t they just let me have you beforehand?”

Emma gives a soft laugh. “We’re being punished. It doesn’t matter to them that we’re innocent.”

“We’ve been punished enough,” Alyssa says softly. “Now? I honestly don’t know what now is.”

* * *

_ SF91-1121 - DAY SEVENTEEN _

“I had a thought.”

“It’s dangerous when you have thoughts.”

“Shh. What if we buckle down and look for as many resources as we can for a bunch of days and then just take a break for a while?”

“Hm. You know what?”

“What?”

“This is a thought I can really get behind.”

* * *

_ SF91-1121 - DAY TWENTY-SIX _

“Ow. Ow. Ow. Ow.”

“Well what exactly did you expect? You stuck your hand in a thorn bush, Nolan.”

“I was attacked by a thorn bush. Get it right.”

“Sure you were. Of course.”

* * *

_ SF91-1121 - DAY THIRTY-NINE _

“How many resources is that?”

“I wasn’t counting. I thought you were counting.”

“Oh, fuck it. It’s enough.”

“I was hoping you’d say that.”

* * *

_ SF91-1121 - DAY FORTY-SEVEN _

Alyssa lies in the grass, her eyes closed, sun warm on her face. “This is nice.”

Emma lies parallel to her, feet the opposite direction but her head still next to Alyssa’s. “Yeah. It is.”

“How long have we been out here?”

“On this planet? I think this is Day Forty-Seven.”

“I meant this whole thing.”

“Oh.” Emma pauses, thinking. “We were taken off the first planet on Day Fifty-Two, so… in total, this is Day One-Hundred-Fifty-Nine.”

Alyssa shudders. “God.”

“It somehow feels longer. I don’t know if that’s the sixty days we were alone, or if it’s because this planet is honestly pretty boring.” Emma stretches a bit, reaching up and linking her hand with Alyssa’s. “We could use a little boring, though.”

“Boring? Speak for yourself. I almost drowned.”

“Well, sure, but you didn’t.”

Alyssa turns her head and glares at the smirk on Emma’s face. “You’re annoying.”

“Tough luck, babe, because you’re stuck with me.”

Alyssa shakes her head and looks back up at the sky. “Guess I’ll just have to live with you forever, then.”

She can hear the smile in Emma’s voice as she says, “Guess so.”

* * *

_ SF91-1121 - DAY FORTY-NINE _

“We never named this planet.”

“You’re right. Any ideas?”

“Uhhhh. Hm. How about Sinoussi?”

“Sounds good to me.”

* * *

_ SF91-1121 - DAY FIFTY _

“See, if you watch, this is usually when Emma does something noble but stupid.”

“Greene, are you narrating to my lizard?”

“I just want Lettuce to know that his mom is an idiot.”

“If he doesn’t know that by now I don’t think he ever will.”

* * *

_ SF91-1121 - DAY FIFTY-SIX _

“The fact that you still refuse to look at me even when my body is fully under the water is honestly hilarious at this point, Nolan. You  _ undressed me.” _

“Greene, tell me the truth. Would either of us survive if we regularly saw each other naked?”

“...You know, you actually have a point.”

* * *

_ SF91-1121 - DAY SIXTY _

“Dammit,” Emma mutters, crouched next to her kit with Lettuce perched on her hand. “Do you have more containers? I wanted to store more water for the next planet, but all of mine are stocked with resource samples.”

Alyssa laughs. “That’s my kit, Nolan.” She opens Emma’s and pulls out an empty container, then pauses.

“What? Did I forget that I secretly stashed away a candy bar in there or something?”

Before Alyssa can respond, Emma feels a sharp pain in her neck, and her vision blurs into unconsciousness.

* * *

_??? - DAY ZERO _

When Emma opens her eyes, she immediately knows that something is wrong.

Instead of the darkness of the transport container, she’s staring up at a bright light on a pale gray ceiling from a hard flat surface sticking out from a wall.

Emma sits up, confused, and sees that instead of her suit, she’s in a dark gray flightsuit and new boots. She runs a hand through her hair and realizes that it’s been washed and freshly cut.

“What the hell,” she mumbles.

She stands up, looking around the blank, empty gray room, and that’s when the confusion fades away and the panic sets in.

“No. No, please, not again. Alyssa.” Emma spins around, trying to make sense of where she is.  _ “ALYSSA!” _

“It’s okay, Emma,” a soft voice says from behind her. “She’s just in the next room.”

Emma’s breath chokes in her throat, and the sob starts before she even turns around to face the woman standing in the now-open doorway.

“Gran.”


	17. Chapter 17

_ STARSHIP EPSILON - DAY ZERO _

Emma takes a small step backwards as her grandmother walks into the room, the door closing behind her. “You can’t be real,” she whispers. “It’s a trick. You can’t be real.”

Betsy closes the distance between them, reaching up and cupping Emma’s face in her hands. “They told us you were okay,” she murmurs. “That it was difficult, but you had everything you needed to succeed. I already didn’t believe it, but I can tell by the look in your eyes that it truly was a lie.”

“Gran,” Emma rasps. She folds forward, burying her face against Betsy’s shoulder and hugging her tightly.

Betsy holds her, brushing a hand over Emma’s hair. “It’s okay. It’s okay, sweetheart. You’re okay.”

* * *

Alyssa wakes in a haze, confused by the soft contact stroking over her hair.

When her vision focuses, she sees her mother sitting next to her, watching her silently, an unreadable expression on her face.

“Am I dead or am I having an incredibly realistic dream?” Alyssa mumbles.

“Neither,” Admiral Greene says in a thick voice. “It’s okay, baby. I’m right here.”

The exhaustion shakes out of Alyssa’s brain, and she sits up, eyes wide. “What? What do you mean? Where… I…” She looks around, fear making her shiver. “What did they do with Emma?”

“Shh, shh, it’s okay. She’s okay.” Admiral Greene brushes her thumb against Alyssa’s cheek and kisses her temple. “She’s here too. She’s just in another room.”

Alyssa leans against her mother, trying not to break down into tears. “Mom. Mom, you’re really here.”

“Yes, superstar, I’m really here.”

“How?”

“You hit some sort of quota they wanted. Apparently it earned you a reward.” Admiral Greene squeezes Alyssa tighter. “We get to see each other for twelve hours from the moment you wake up.”

Alyssa swallows. “And then we go back?”

Admiral Greene pauses. “Yes. Then they’ll send you back.”

With no other sound but a soft, desperate sob, Alyssa clutches her mother even closer and hides her face against her coat.

* * *

“Here. Eat this.” Betsy pulls a small wrapped package out of the pocket of her sweater and hands it to Emma.

“Did you smuggle food past the  _ navy?” _ Emma asks incredulously.

“One guard did find it, but they didn’t seem too concerned. It’s fine. Just eat it.” Betsy presses the back of her hand against Emma’s forehead. “You’re too thin. And you’re so pale.”

“I was already pale, Gran,” Emma says dryly. She opens the package and stares. “Hold on, you smuggled  _ your universe-class chocolate chip cookies _ in here without getting them taken?”

“They’re not nutritious, which is what you really need, but a taste of home is important, too.” Betsy watches as Emma slowly takes out one cookie, breaks it in half, puts the other half back in the package, and wraps it up again. “If you’re saving to share, I brought one for Alyssa, too. Her mother has it.”

Emma leans her head on her grandmother’s shoulder. “I was, but either way I’d save it. I want it to last as long as possible.”

After a long moment, Betsy whispers, “What are they doing to you? I’ve asked Barry when he comes by to check on me, but he always just gets this sad look in his eyes and tells me not to worry.”

Emma pauses. “Gran?”

“Yes?”

“...Just keep not worrying.”

Betsy’s voice is soft, but furious. “Sweetheart. I don’t think that’s possible.”

* * *

“Mom?” Alyssa murmurs, lying down with her head in Admiral Greene’s lap.

“Yes, baby?”

“Can… Can I tell you something?”

Admiral Greene tightens her grip on Alyssa’s flightsuit, holding her a bit closer. “You can tell me anything.”

“I-I…” Alyssa voice cracks. “I’m in love with Emma.”

Admiral Greene gives a soft laugh and leans down, kissing the side of Alyssa’s head. “I know that, baby.”

Alyssa frowns up at her. “You do?”

“Of course I do. You’ve been in love with Corporal Nolan for years. It’s hardly a surprise.”

“We don’t have ranks anymore, Mom,” Alyssa says, biting her lip.

“I don’t particularly give a shit.”

_ “Mom!” _ Alyssa gives a helpless, surprised laugh.

“Well, I don’t. As far as my heart is concerned, they can’t take what you both achieved away from you. You worked hard to get where you were, and they aren’t allowed to strip it from you over a crime neither of you did.”

“It’s not going to matter that we didn’t do it, Mom. It won’t matter if they take it off our records.” Alyssa closes her eyes and sighs. “By the time this is over, I don’t know if… If either of us survives this, I don’t think we’ll ever be able to go back to how we were. That’s the trick of this, I think. Maybe you don’t die physically. But a part of your spirit sure does.”

Admiral Greene audibly swallows, just barely holding back tears. “If anyone can make it through this, the two of you can. I believe that.” She leans down and kisses Alyssa’s forehead. “And if you have to leave some of yourself behind, that’s okay. We’ll be here to help you build something to replace it. I promise. I  _ promise, _ honey. No matter what happens, the two of you aren’t alone. We’re here. We’ll be waiting as long as it takes.”

* * *

As soon as her mother leaves, Alyssa rests her hand against the wall in the direction indicated as the location of Emma’s room. She gives a heavy sigh and leans forward, setting her forehead against the cool metal.

The door slides open again, and, for a brief moment, she dares to hope that her mother has been allowed back in.

Instead, a soldier her age, a junior grade lieutenant with curly dark hair, steps inside.

“Resource Prisoner G-142?”

Alyssa shrugs. “Probably. It’s not exactly my name; how should I know?”

The lieutenant doesn’t even react. “Step forward. Hands in front of you, backs of the palms pressed together.”

Alyssa gives an exasperated sigh but does as she’s told, rolling her eyes as she’s put into handcuffs. “I doubt I’m a threat.”

“You survived three resource planets,” the lieutenant says with a thin smile. “I’m not  _ that _ stupid.” She grabs the shoulder of Alyssa’s flightsuit. “Come with me.”

“Where are we going?” Alyssa asks as she steps out of the room and starts walking down a narrow corridor. “Actually… What even is this place?”

“You’re on the starship  _ Epsilon.” _

“That’s a medical sciences observation ship. What the hell is it doing all the way out here?”

“Not important. If you want one more shower in real hot water before you’re sent back to the planets, shut up and keep walking.”

Alyssa weighs her options, then goes quiet.

* * *

When they enter the ship’s washroom, the lieutenant locks the door and checks to make sure they’re alone before taking off Alyssa’s handcuffs.

“Oh, you mean I can dare to wash without-  _ mmph!” _

The lieutenant covers Alyssa’s mouth with a hand and shoves her against the wall before taking something out of her pocket and pressing it against her neck.

“Stay calm. Relax. I need to keep this here while we talk, because it takes time for the decryption to take effect. Understand?”

Alyssa doesn’t move, just stares at the lieutenant with wide eyes.

The lieutenant sighs and lowers her hand, keeping Alyssa where she is with a tight grip on her shoulder. “This is the only room on this ship that isn’t bugged with cameras or microphones. It’s the only place I could access the chip they put in your neck.”

“...What chip? What the hell are you talking about?”

“They’re tracking you. Monitoring your vitals. It’s what knocks you out before they collect you, too.”

“And what are you doing with it?”

“Hacking into it. It was the last step for giving you and Corporal Nolan a little bit more freedom for what you are and aren’t allowed to do. My partner already accessed the chip in Nolan.” The lieutenant takes her hand off Alyssa’s shoulder and takes a small device out of her pocket, shoving it into Alyssa’s pocket. “When you’re in your tent, you can turn that on in eight-hour increments. They won’t be able to watch you.”

“Wait.” Alyssa swallows. “What do you mean by  _ watch us?” _

The lieutenant gives her a sympathetic look. “They’re watching you, Lieutenant Greene. They’ve been watching you this whole time.”


	18. Chapter 18

_SF91-1122 - DAY ONE_

The purple-hued sky is visible above Emma when she opens her eyes, and when she sits up she realizes that the mask is off of her face. She looks around, confused, and sees Alyssa sitting on a supply crate in front of one of their tents.

“Hey,” Emma says softly.

Alyssa doesn’t look up. “Hi.”

“Are you okay?”

Alyssa just clears her throat and reaches for her kit. “We should pack this stuff up. It looks like there’s a storm building, and I don’t really want to be at the base of an unfamiliar mountain if it’s going to rain.”

“Alright.” Emma climbs out of the transport container and walks over to her. “You’re okay, though?”

“Yeah.” Alyssa opens her kit. “I think- _shit!”_ She falls backwards as Lettuce hops out of the kit and lands on her shoulder.

“Lettuce!” Emma runs forward and kneels down next to Alyssa, holding out her hand to let the lizard crawl up her arm. “I thought we left you on Sinoussi, buddy.”

He flicks his tongue out at her.

“You’re probably hungry,” Emma says, patting the top of his head. “Once we get everything ready I’ll see if I still have some of the leaves I saved in my kit until we can test the vegetation on this planet.” She holds out a hand to Alyssa and helps her to her feet. “Ready?”

Alyssa gives her a strained smile and nods. “I’m ready.”

“They let us keep our flightsuits,” Emma comments. “It’ll be nice to have, you know, more than one outfit for a fucking year and a half.”

“Yeah. Definitely.”

Emma pauses, frowning. “Lys, are you _sure_ you’re okay?”

Alyssa sets her palm against Emma’s cheek, stroking her thumb lightly against Emma’s skin. “Yeah,” she whispers. “I’m perfect.”

* * *

They walk through the pale red grasses side-by-side, Emma feeding a leaf to Lettuce as he sits on her shoulder. When they find an open area next to a forest, they stop and set up one of the tents.

“Alyssa,” Emma says softly. “You’ve barely spoken all day. Please just talk to me. I’m worried.”

Alyssa rests a finger against her lips to silence her, then takes her by the hand and pulls her into the tent. She removes her kit and sets it on the floor, picking Lettuce up off of Emma’s shoulder and setting him down to take a nap on top of the kit.

Emma takes her kit off, brow furrowed. “Lys?”

She pulls the device out of her pocket, checks the time on her chronometer, and clicks the device on.

As soon as she does, she slides it back into her pocket and lets out a heavy sigh, tears coming to her eyes. “I’m so tired,” she rasps.

“Hey,” Emma whispers. She walks forward and pulls Alyssa into a gentle hug. “It’s okay. You’re alright.”

“How was the reward just another punishment?” Alyssa asks, burying her face against Emma’s neck. “Seeing her just made me miss her more, Em. It just made it even more real that I might never go home again.”

“Don’t talk like that. You’re going to go home. I’m going to make sure of it, Lys.”

“Please don’t say that. You can’t guarantee it, and I refuse to let you risk your life just to get me home.”

“Alyssa.” Emma releases the hug and sets her hands on Alyssa’s shoulders. “All I’m saying is that I’m going to do my best to keep you going. Okay? I love you too much not to try.”

“I love you so much,” Alyssa murmurs. “When we talked about it all those years ago, talked about liking each other and being interested, I didn’t really realize just how deep my feelings went. I know we made the right decision to not try to do long-distance across the actual galaxy, but… every time I did get to see you, I just fell more and more in love with you.”

“I think I might’ve already been in love with you without even knowing it.” Emma gives a low laugh. “Maybe I was stupid to suggest that we avoid anything until you had a more stable location. But I just don’t think my heart could’ve taken you leaving for months after only a few hours.”

Alyssa glances up at the ceiling of the tent. “You maybe went a little too far with resolving that situation, though, don’t you think?”

Emma rolls her eyes and hugs her again. “Now you’re just being mean.”

“Maybe a little.” Alyssa sighs softly. “Can we sleep together tonight? Just sleep. I want… I want a night where we can feel each other and feel comfortable and feel secure where I _know_ they aren’t watching us.”

“Of course.” Emma brushes her hand up and down Alyssa’s back. “Of course, Lys.” She presses a small kiss behind Alyssa’s ear. “Let’s get some sleep.”

* * *

_ SF91-1122 - DAY TWO _

Emma wakes up comfortable, stretched lazily on the floor of the tent, Alyssa curled up and resting on top of her.

“Alyssa,” Emma murmurs, gently patting her shoulder. “We should get up.”

“Mm. Don’t wanna. M’comfortable.”

“Lys,” Emma laughs, prodding her a bit harder. “Come on. I can barely move here.”

“Good. I don’t want you to leave.” Alyssa lifts her head, resting her chin on Emma’s sternum. “You can stay right there where I want you.”

“It’ll be a bit difficult to find resources like this.”

“Screw them. They can’t have you. You’re mine.”

Emma gives a soft smile. “I know I am.”

Alyssa stares at her for a long moment, an unidentifiable look on her face. “Emma,” she whispers.

“Hm?”

Alyssa shifts forward suddenly, kissing Emma on the lips.

It lingers, long, slow, gentle, until Alyssa pulls back, staring down at her with softness in her eyes.

Emma swallows, breathless and stunned.

An alarm goes off on Alyssa’s wrist, and she looks at her chronometer, muttering, “Shit.”

“What?”

Alyssa gives Emma a sheepish look. “Eight hours.”

“Oh.” Emma swallows again. “Well. It’s going to be a long day.”


	19. Chapter 19

_ SF91-1122 - DAY TWO _

Emma is quiet as she changes from her flightsuit into her survival suit. She watches Alyssa, moving around the tent making herself busy. “So. What direction do you want to head in?”

Alyssa startles a bit before looking at her. “Oh. Uhm. Well, maybe into the forest? We can explore it a bit and see what we find.”

“I’m good with that plan.” Emma takes a step forward, pausing next to Alyssa and squeezing her hand. “Let’s go then, shall we?”

“Yeah. Yeah, we should go.”

* * *

“I realized something about forests.”

“What?”

“They’re creepy as fuck.”

“...Yeah. Yeah, they really are.”

* * *

Alyssa ducks under a low-hanging branch. “Watch out for that.”

“I think this forest is out to get us.”

“In fairness, this whole solar system is out to get us,” Alyssa says with a scoff.

“Well, that’s true.” Emma grabs Alyssa’s arm. “It’s getting late, and I don’t like the look of the route ahead of us. We should go back, Greene.”

“We hardly have any resources, Nolan. If we don’t have enough-”

“Greene,” Emma murmurs. “It’s only the second day. We’ll have plenty of time to look. Let’s go back.”

* * *

“Hey. Nolan?”

“Yeah?”

“We’re eating tonight, right?”

“Absolutely. Sit down, Greene. I’m getting food out of my kit now.”

* * *

Emma paces in the tent, waiting for Alyssa to walk in. The moment she does, Emma heads over to her, reaches into Alyssa’s pocket, and activates the device.

“I should explain,” Alyssa says immediately. “I’m so sorry. I know you’ve had to think about it all day, but-”

Emma interrupts her by kissing her.

Alyssa pulls at the collar of Emma’s flightsuit, deepening the kiss desperately as Emma’s hands grip her waist. “Em,” she whispers.

“Don’t you dare apologize,” Emma murmurs. “Do you know how long I’ve wanted to do that? I rushed through our day not because I was upset, but because it was driving me crazy not being able to kiss you back.” She rests her forehead against Alyssa’s. “I know things might end up worse for us. I know we still have five - technically six including this one - planets to go through. I know that only being able to really have each other in the fullest sense in these small moments at night might drive us mad. But I don’t care, Alyssa Greene. I want you anyway.”

“I want you, too. I want you more than anything.” Alyssa swallows, tightening her grip on Emma’s collar. “We can’t use this thing every night. It’ll be suspicious. I know that. But… if we just use it every so often… when we really need each other… It can’t hurt anything, right?”

“I don’t see how it could.”

“A-And if we… I mean, we might die anyway, so there’s… there’s no harm in…” Alyssa clears her throat and gives a shy shrug. “Surely nobody would blame us if we didn’t only kiss and sleep in the same space.”

Emma laughs. “What are you getting at, Lieutenant Greene?”

“I think you know exactly what I’m getting at, Corporal Nolan.”

“Maybe you should spell it out for me.”

“Maybe you should shut up.”

Emma smirks. “Maybe you should make me.”

Alyssa brushes her hands up from Emma’s collar, linking her fingers behind Emma’s neck. “Maybe I will,” she says softly.

She drags Emma forward, kissing her again, her hands quickly working on the buttons of Emma’s flightsuit.


	20. Chapter 20

_SF91-1122 - DAY THREE_

“How much more time do we have?” Emma asks idly, tracing her fingers up and down Alyssa’s spine.

Alyssa sighs softly and presses a kiss to Emma’s sternum. “Not enough.”

“I know we’re trying to catch up here, Lys, but how much energy do you _have?”_ Emma teases.

“For this? Trust me. Plenty.”

Emma lifts her head and kisses Alyssa’s shoulder. “Mm. As much as I’d like trying to fit one more go before our time for the night runs out, maybe we should talk about something first.”

Alyssa groans. “Can I at least keep kissing you?”

“Sure. I’m not sure how I’ll pay attention while you do, but I’ll try real hard.”

“You certainly can try,” Alyssa mutters with a smirk as she starts on Emma’s neck.

“I-I was just going to say that maybe we should decide on a-a method of indicating w-when we n-n-need to use the device,” Emma says, her voice stuttering as Alyssa shifts lower.

“You have very weak resolve, Corporal Nolan.”

“Fuck you.”

“Yes, I know, you do a very good job of it, honey, don’t brag.” Alyssa laughs as Emma glares at her. “What if we, I don’t know, just say that ‘we need to talk tonight’ as a code phrase or something?”

“That-” Emma breaks off with a fumbled series of swears as Alyssa’s hands wander. “That works, I don’t care, what were we even talking about?”

“About-” Alyssa gives a high-pitched giggle as Emma flips them over, pinning her wrists on either side of her head.

“How long do we have?”

“Little over half an hour.”

“Oh, that’s _plenty_ of time,” Emma growls, cutting off Alyssa’s laugh with a heated kiss.

* * *

_SF91-1122 - DAY THREE_

“I _really_ hate this forest. There’s just something… I don’t know. I get a bad feeling about it.”

“So do I.”

“And yet, we keep walking into it.”

“That’s the job, Nolan.”

“The pay at this job really sucks.”

* * *

_SF91-1122 - DAY FOUR_

“What do you think we should name this planet?” Emma asks, looking around the field they’re standing in.

“Hm.” Alyssa runs a hand through her hair. “How about Ride?”

Emma gives her a look.

 _“After Sally Ride, you dick,”_ Alyssa says, smacking her in the arm.

“I said nothing.”

Alyssa rolls her eyes and mutters, “You didn’t have to.”

* * *

_SF91-1122 - DAY FIVE_

“There, buddy,” Emma says with a smile as she feeds Lettuce a leaf. “You like those ones, don’t you? I’m glad. You’re a good boy.”

Alyssa looks over with a small, affectionate smile, a notebook resting on her stomach. “You’re cute.”

“Thanks.”

“I was talking to Lettuce, but you’re cute, too.”

Emma squints at her, but instead of replying, she says, “Whatcha got there, Greene?”

“Oh.” Alyssa blushes. “I, uh, found it right before we got pulled off that previous planet, and uh… I’m sorry. I got curious.”

“What-” Emma goes pale. “Oh, God, is that my log from…”

“Jemison? Yes.” Alyssa brushes her thumb against the edge of the pages. “I guess I just… I wanted to know what it was like. Wanted to know if you felt the same way I did.” She sighs and sets the journal down. “I’m starting to think that I didn’t need a book to tell me that, though.”

“Maybe. Maybe not.” Emma pets the top of Lettuce’s head. “You can still read it. I’m not sure how you’ll feel by the end of it, though.”

“That’s okay.” Alyssa winks at her. “I won’t suddenly not love you, Nolan.”

Emma laughs. “Don’t worry. I definitely believe that, at the very least.”

* * *

_SF91-1122 - DAY SIX_

“What are we up to?” Emma asks, glancing at her chronometer.

“We’re already at twenty-three on this planet. This area has a lot going on.”

Emma gives a low whistle. “I’d say that things are looking up, but that has a tendency of biting us in the ass.”

Alyssa laughs and lightly shoves her. “I love you.”

Emma grins at her. “I love you, too.”

* * *

“I’m really serious, something is fucked up about this forest.”

Alyssa frowns as she looks back at Emma, standing at the edge of a field of unusually large flowers. “Honestly, I haven’t noticed anything _too_ bad about it. What do you feel?”

Emma pauses, biting her lip. “I don’t know. My head hurts every time we’re in here.”

“Huh.” Alyssa looks down at her monitor. “The air seems…” She narrows her eyes. “What the… It was like it sensed something very briefly, then nothing.” She lifts her head as Emma crouches down near one of the flowers, squinting at it. “Maybe it’s pollen? Do you have allergies or anything?”

“I mean, not that I’m aware of, but I didn’t exactly get tested for the pollen on planets that have never been explored before.”

Alyssa laughs. “Good point.”

Emma looks down at the monitor on her own wrist. “It seems like it- _shit!”_

A large burst of mist or pollen sprays out of two of the flowers in front of Emma, hitting her in the face. She falls backwards and scrambles away, pulling at the collar of her suit and choking.

 _“Emma!”_ Alyssa puts her helmet up, just as precaution, and rushes forward. She drags Emma away from the field of flowers, closer to the edge of the forest and towards the empty area where they’ve already decided they’ll set up for the night. “Em, are you okay? Emma!”

She stops choking and regains a sturdy footing, and the moment she does, she shoves Alyssa away from her, hard.

Alyssa barely keeps her balance, catching herself on one of the trees. “What the hell was that for?” she demands.

Emma just stands still for a long moment, breathing heavily, and when she lifts her head Alyssa's blood runs cold.

Emma’s gaze is dark, empty. There’s a shadow under them even darker than her normal shadow of lack of proper sleep, and her eyes are bloodshot.

Alyssa swallows and whispers, “Emma?”

Without a word, Emma takes the knife off her belt and starts towards her.


	21. Chapter 21

_ SF91-1122 - DAY SIX _

Alyssa backs up as Emma continues walking towards her. “Emma. Emma, come on. It’s me.”

Emma stabs towards her, just barely missing as Alyssa continues to move out of the way. She slashes the knife a few more times, wild, uncoordinated movements, never saying a single word.

When they move into more open ground, Alyssa slips her kit off of her back and sets it down in the grass, just in time for Emma to rush at her. She hits Alyssa full-force, sending them both rolling across the field, the knife almost going into Alyssa’s chest.

_ “Emma for fuck’s sake snap out of it!” _ she screams as Emma tries to pin her down, one hand gripping the front of her suit and the other still holding the knife.

There isn’t even a pause in the struggle.

Alyssa brings her knee up, hitting Emma hard in the stomach and giving her enough leverage to flip them. She keeps the grip she has on Emma’s wrist, desperate, and looks quickly around at their surroundings.

Only a few yards away is a small lake, one that they haven’t had time to check water quality in yet.

She’s out of options, and she knows she has to take the risk.

Alyssa pushes one boot against the ground under her, trying to get more force behind her, and uses the brief momentum to half-stand and drag Emma towards the water.

Emma manages to punch her square in the jaw, but it’s not enough to make Alyssa loosen her grip before she shoves Emma’s head under the water.

She pulls Emma back up after only a moment, afraid that, in this state, Emma won’t have the instincts to hold her breath.

“It has to be good enough,” Alyssa mutters. “Come on, Em. Breathe the rest of it out.”

Emma flips them again, but this time the movement knocks the knife out of her hand, sending it skipping across the grass and out of reach. She grips the shoulders of Alyssa’s suit, rage in her eyes as she stares down through the fluff of short, wet hair that’s falling on her forehead.

The only relief is that Alyssa can tell that the shadows under Emma’s eyes are starting to fade.

“Emma, please,” Alyssa whispers.

Emma raises a fist as if to punch her, but before she can, Alyssa grabs her arm and wrestles them into a different position, putting an arm around Emma’s neck.

She holds it as gently as possible, releasing the moment she feels Emma go limp.

Alyssa rolls Emma onto her back, watching her breathing, slow and steady. She collapses her helmet and brushes Emma’s hair off of her face, then sits back on her heels and lets herself cry.

* * *

_ SF91-1122 - DAY SEVEN _

Emma wakes early in the morning, confused when she starts to move and realizes that her hands are tied above her head to the power unit. “Lys?” she says, the words feeling thick and muddled on her tongue. “Al’ssa?”

Alyssa immediately appears, standing at her feet. It’s obvious that she’s been crying, and it only confuses Emma more. “Emma?” she says, almost sounding hopeful.

“Lys, wha’s goin’ on?” Emma shakes her head, trying to clear the fog. “Alyssa-”

“Oh, God. You’re really you.” Alyssa kneels next to her, untying the binds on her wrists.

“What-”

She’s cut off when Alyssa kisses her, fierce and desperate.

“Lys, hold on,” Emma mumbles, baffled.

“You scared the life from me,” Alyssa whispers, resting her forehead against Emma’s. “Please. Please don’t scare me like that again.”

“Like…” Emma pauses, seeing the bruise forming on Alyssa’s jaw. She sits up slowly. “Alyssa,” she says, quiet and careful. “Did I do that?”

Alyssa doesn’t respond, but the way she goes pale is all the answer Emma needs.

Emma stands, her whole body screaming at her, aching and stiff. “I-I don’t understand. The last thing I remember was looking at one of those flowers.”

“You got sprayed in the face by some sort of pollen,” Alyssa says, her voice low. “You had a reaction or something to it. It was like you didn’t know who I was. Like every bit of reason in your head was turned off.”

Emma swallows. “What did I do, Alyssa?”

Alyssa hesitates before saying, “You tried to stab me.”

Emma flinches and turns away, walking towards the exit of the tent.

“Where the hell do you think you’re going? You need to rest, Em. God knows what that stuff did to you.”

“Well, we know what it did to  _ you. _ I could’ve killed you. I  _ hit _ you.”

“Em.” Alyssa gets to her feet. “Listen to me. That wasn’t you, okay? Believe me. Was I scared? Of course I was scared. But I  _ knew _ that it wasn’t  _ you. _ It wasn’t your fault.”

“Sure feels like it,” Emma mutters.

“Honey,” Alyssa says softly, walking over to Emma and resting her hand on her shoulder. “Look at me.”

After a moment, Emma makes hesitant eye contact.

“I’m okay. I’ll  _ be _ okay. And Lettuce was in my kit the whole time, so he didn’t have to see you like that.”

Emma gives a helpless laugh. “Well, that’s good.”

Alyssa leans in and kisses her, long, soft, slow. “I know you, Emma Nolan,” she whispers. “I know you, and I’m not afraid of you. Everything is going to be alright.”

Emma lifts Alyssa’s chin, brushing a gentle touch along the bruise on her jaw. “I at least think I owe you some tender care or something, seeing as I broke rule three. Even if I did inhale the unknown substance by accident.”

Alyssa grins and kisses her again. “We both need to rest tonight, Nolan. But another night? Honey, if you want to owe me, I would be a fool to say no.”


	22. Chapter 22

_ SF91-1122 - DAY EIGHT _

“Hey. How are you feeling?”

Emma, lying on the floor of the tent with Lettuce asleep on her chest, doesn’t move. “I’m fine.”

“Are you… Are you sure?” Alyssa sits next to her. “You’ve been quiet all day, Em. Maybe we should-”

As she reaches out to take Emma’s hand, Emma flinches away from her and closes her eyes. “I’m tired, Greene,” she says quietly. “Can you just leave me alone?”

Alyssa pauses, then nods. “Okay,” she murmurs. “I’ll be just over there mixing some things up with my kit if you need anything, alright?”

Emma keeps her eyes closed and doesn’t answer, but as Alyssa walks away she swears she hears a soft intake of breath that’s almost a sob.

* * *

_ SF91-1122 - DAY NINE _

Alyssa wakes to the smell of smoke.

She sits up, panicked, and sees immediately that Emma - and her kit - are gone, but most of the things from it, like her flightsuit and her lizard, are still on top of the blanket she slept on.

“Lettuce, stay there until I know what’s going on.”

He lifts his head from his spot on the flightsuit’s collar and flicks his tongue out at her.

“Right. You’re not a dog.” Alyssa sighs and pulls her survival suit on clumsily, stumbling out of the tent with her kit only on one shoulder.

What she sees outside is more baffling to her than almost anything she’s seen on these planets thus far.

Emma is away from the tent, near the woods, watching a large fire. On occasion, she steps casually to the side to extinguish small spot fires that land on surrounding vegetation or trees, but, for the most part, she’s doing nothing but watch the forest burn.

Alyssa runs over to her and tries to grab her hand, but, as if expecting the motion, Emma turns and avoids it at the last second.

“What are you doing here?” Emma asks. Her face shield is up, and Alyssa instinctively activates her own as Emma adds, “You should be asleep.”

“So should you. What the fuck are you doing?”

“What I need to,” Emma replies, her voice a dull monotone. She glances over her shoulder, and Alyssa’s heart clenches when she follows the movement.

The plants that had poisoned Emma are burning.

There’s a neat line of cleared-out brush around the small field, and, from what Alyssa can tell, the collection of plants has been burning with Emma carefully ensuring that the rest of the forest doesn’t go up with it.

“Oh, God,” Alyssa whispers. “What are you doing?”

“Destroying them. All of them. I’ve burned this field to the last ember twice already. If I’m lucky, three times will kill off every last trace of it.”

“Why? We can’t just-”

“There might be more. I don’t know. But they know  _ for sure _ that this field is here, and I fucking refuse to let them have something that can make someone feel the way I felt. Do what I did. If they want that power, they can come down to this goddamn forest and search for it themselves.”

Alyssa flinches and tries to put her hands on Emma’s shoulders, but Emma backs away again. “Emma,” she pleads. “It’s  _ not _ your fault.  _ You _ didn’t do anything. I understand why you’re doing this, but please, you’re scaring me.”

“I just need to finish this. I just need to finish it. I’ve been thinking about it all night. It needs to be kept away from the tribunal and their fucking games. I won’t let them do this to someone.”

“Baby-”

_ “Stop _ trying to touch me!” Emma backs up again, tears in her eyes, distracted only for a moment as she puts out a small fire that’s escaped and landed on a blade of grass. “I can’t touch you! I don’t want to hurt you!”

She stops talking immediately, her jaw tensing as if she hadn’t meant to say it.

“Emma,” Alyssa whispers. “I’m going to let you finish this. And then I want to talk to you. And I don’t want you to avoid it. Understand?”

After a long moment, Emma nods.

“I’ll be in the tent. Just… be careful.”

“I will,” Emma murmurs.

Alyssa watches Emma tend to the fire for another minute, then turns and walks back to the tent.

* * *

An hour later, Emma walks into the tent.

“Eat something,” Alyssa says, sitting on the floor with one of the meal bars.

“I’m not hungry,” Emma replies, changing from her survival suit to her flightsuit.

“I don’t care. You haven’t eaten. Eat.”

Emma wipes her hands down with one of the disinfectant towels they got as a reward for their solo planet tasks, then grabs a meal bar and sits down across from Alyssa.

Alyssa activates the device and sets it next to her. “So. Do you want to tell me what that was all about?”

“I’m not sure what you mean,” Emma says with a sigh, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her hand.

“Em, you could’ve lit the whole damn forest on fire, regardless of how careful you were. You won’t let me touch you. I’d say that there are a few problems to work with.”

Emma slowly eats some of the bar, then mumbles something Alyssa can’t hear.

“What was that?”

“I remember,” Emma whispers.

“I… You remember what?”

“After I slept that first night, things started… coming back. In my head. The gap that I was missing started being filled in. It’s a little blurry, fuzzy like an old movie instead of something that really happened, but I can  _ feel _ it. I can feel the knife in my hand. I-I…” Emma’s voice cracks, and she sets the meal bar down. “I can feel myself hitting you. The whole fight. Can hear you pleading with me.”

“God.” Alyssa rubs at her mouth. “I’m so sorry, Emma.”

_ “You’re _ sorry?  _ You’re _ sorry? What in the hell are you sorry for? I was the one who got too close and got myself drugged and attacked you. And if the tribunal wants to do that to someone else, use that as a weapon to make someone else attack the person they love, I’m certainly not going to make it easy for them.”

“And I understand that. But listen to me.  _ Please _ listen to me. It. Wasn’t.  _ You. _ Can’t you believe that?”

“It  _ feels _ like it was.” Emma sets her head in her hands and sighs. “It feels like it. Logically, I understand, but… every time I close my eyes, all I see is the fear on your face.”

“I was afraid of what that pollen was going to make you do, yes. And I was afraid of what it was doing  _ to you. _ I didn’t know if I was going to get you back.” Alyssa reaches a hesitant hand out, letting out a breath when Emma lets her take her hand. “I can’t lose you. I can’t. I was terrified that this was going to be the moment that I did.”

Emma clears her throat, looking up at her with watery eyes. “I can’t get it out of my head. It hurts.” She swallows. “I’m scared.”

“I’m scared, too. And that’s okay. We’re here together, we can be scared together. We can get through this together.” Alyssa brushes her hand up, her thumb lightly skimming Emma’s cheek. “I want to be  _ together _ with you for the rest of time. No matter what happens.”

“I love you,” Emma says hoarsely.

“I love you, too.” Alyssa hand slides down to the collar of Emma’s flightsuit and gently tugs her forward, lying down with Emma on top of her.

“What are you doing?” Emma asks, her voice soft.

“I don’t want to look for resources today.” Alyssa brushes her fingers through the back of Emma’s hair. “I just want to lay here with you.”

“Lys,” Emma murmurs, her voice thick as she rests her chin on Alyssa’s collarbone and starts to relax. “We have to work.”

“Have you slept?”

“...No.”

“Sleep, darling,” Alyssa says, feeling Emma already starting to go limp under Alyssa’s gentle touch. “Everything will be okay. I’ll be here when you wake up.” She waits until she’s sure Emma is out, then leans down and presses a kiss to the top of her head. Then, silent, she rests her head back and closes her eyes.


	23. Chapter 23

_ SF91-1122 - DAY TEN _

A soft whimper catches Alyssa’s attention as she catalogues some of their resources, and she turns her head to find Emma curled up into a ball in her sleep, trembling.

“Nolan,” Alyssa says softly, climbing over to her and kneeling near Emma’s shoulder. “Nolan, you’re okay.”

“Lys. Lys, no. Please.” Emma whimpers again, her eyes still closed, and Alyssa sees sweat on her brow.

Alyssa cups Emma’s face in her hands. “Emma, you’ve gotta wake up. Come on, baby. I don’t want to startle you. You have to wake up.” She skims her fingers through Emma’s hair.

After another whimper and shudder, Emma takes in a sharp breath and opens her eyes.

“Hi there,” Alyssa whispers.

“Did I hurt you?”

“Oh, honey. It was just a nightmare.”

“Felt real. Felt so real.” Emma shivers. “I can’t get it out of my head. Why won’t it get out of my head.”

Alyssa reaches over and grabs a small towel, wiping off Emma’s brow. “Em, it’s okay. It’ll take time.”

Emma gives a strained laugh. “Feels like all we have is time.”

“Maybe we do. But that just means that you have the time to breathe.” Alyssa brushes a stray tear off of Emma’s cheek. “You’re going to be okay. I promise. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

“You’re the one I’m worried about,” Emma murmurs.

“That’s tough, Nolan, because right now you’re the priority.” Alyssa presses a kiss to Emma’s forehead. “Rest that brain of yours, darling. I won’t let the nightmares swallow you.”

* * *

_ SF91-1122 - DAY ELEVEN _

“You should go look for resources, Greene.”

“I’m not leaving you here. Not like this.”

“If we slack off, they’ll punish us. I can’t be separated from you again. I won’t survive it.”

“I’ll do a little bit of scouting if you promise to eat something.”

“...Fine.”

* * *

_ SF91-1122 - DAY FIFTEEN _

“Rook to D4.”

“Oh, dammit. You know, it’s not nice to take advantage of my weakened mental state to crush me in chess, Greene.”

“It’s good for you. Strengthens your resolve.”

“Mhm. I’m not sure I believe that.”

* * *

_ SF91-1122 - DAY NINETEEN _

“I think I’ll gather a bunch of leaves. This way I can store them in the kit along with our extra food supplies, so that we also have extra food supplies for Lettuce if we ever go to a planet with leaves he doesn’t like.”

“I knew you liked the lizard, Greene.”

* * *

_ SF91-1122 - DAY TWENTY-FOUR _

Alyssa sits outside of their tent, watching as Emma naps in the warm sunlight with Lettuce asleep on her chest. She opens up Emma’s log journal from Jemison and flips to one of the last pages.

She stares at it, thinking, then pulls the cap off of her pen and begins to write.

_ Mom- _

_ If you read this, I failed. Whatever happened, know that I did everything I could to get home. _

_ I hope Emma makes it out of this hell even if I don’t. But if she does, she’ll need help. Please protect her. This is breaking her. Breaking us both. _

_ It hurts, Mom. Every day of this hurts. A part of us is dying with each moment we spend out here. _

Alyssa pauses, then scratches out the last paragraph she wrote before continuing.

_ If she makes it out and I don’t, please make sure that, no matter what, no matter the cause, she doesn’t blame herself for it. I know she will, the same way I’d blame myself if anything happened to her. _

_ I want to get off these godforsaken rocks. I want to go home and build a life with the woman I love, whatever life we have left. But I don’t know if it’ll be possible. _

_ If I die out here, Mom... If Emma survives it, please know that I’ll have died happy that she could live. If Emma doesn’t, please know that at least we’ll be at peace together. _

_ I love you. I’m sorry. _

_ -Alyssa _

* * *

_ SF91-1122 - DAY THIRTY _

Emma puts her hand out and steadies Alyssa as she steps down from a large rock. “Do you think we’ll be able to find other resources without having to go into the forest?”

“I’m not sure. We’ve explored pretty much all that we can without going into them at this point. We’re surrounded.” Alyssa sighs and puts her hand up, shading her eyes as she looks out into the field in front of them. “Maybe we can-”

The words drone out, muffled, though Emma can hear them start to slur together as her vision gets fuzzy.

Her brain feels heavy, and darkness settles in moments before she feels herself hit the ground, then she loses consciousness completely.

* * *

_ SF91-1123 - DAY ONE _

Emma wakes to a drowning sensation.

She splutters as she opens her eyes, lifting her head on instinct, and she chokes as she swallows water that tastes like mud. It takes several seconds for her to orient herself, and, when she does, it doesn’t clear up her confusion.

She’s hanging over the side of a riverbank, her leg caught in a rope line from the box she’s used to waking up in, positioned so awkwardly that it’s difficult for her to keep her head above the water. The world is blurry, and at first she blames the water, until she realizes that she isn’t wearing her glasses.

Emma tries to sit up to grab the rope around her leg for leverage, but the rushing water around her body buffets her around, twisting her hip in a dangerously painful position. She takes a moment to catch a breath and keep herself from panicking, then tries again in a more fluid motion, grabbing the line and pulling herself up onto the bank.

She collapses, choking, spitting water and mud onto the ground before trying to untangle herself. When she does, she stands up with a dull throbbing pain in her leg, shivering in the cold rain.

Emma opens the box and finds her kit, and a quick check inside reassures her that Lettuce has once again safely made the trip. She pats him once on the head before securing him back inside wrapped in a blanket, then, to her relief, finds her glasses in the box as well.

Next to a note similar to the one that had separated her and Alyssa before.

With dread in her stomach, Emma picks up the note, covering it with the box’s lid to keep the rain off of it while she reads.

_ RESOURCE PRISONER N-75- _

_ Next time you burn good resources, you won’t have a line attached to you. Consider this your only warning. _

_ -THE TRIBUNAL _

“Fuckers,” Emma mutters. She tosses the note back into the box and closes it, shivering in her soaked survival suit as she looks around.

At first, through the rain, she thinks she’s alone, and the thought scares her more than anything.

Then she sees the second box, still closed and safely away from the rushing water.

Emma hurries over to it, ignoring her sore leg, and lifts the lid.

Alyssa is just starting to wake up, her hand lightly resting on the oxygen mask over her mouth.

“Morning, princess,” Emma says dryly.

Alyssa gives her a sleepy smile. “Morning. They took us early.”

“Yeah, I think I pissed them off. I woke up in the river.”

“Fuckers.”

“That’s what I said.”

Alyssa sits up, wincing as the lid pushes off further and she’s hit by the driving rain. “We need to get the tents up. This rain is a nightmare.”

“Agreed.” Emma leans forward and sets her forehead against Alyssa’s shoulder. “First, I wanted to make sure you were here. That they didn’t take you from me.”

Alyssa kisses her on the top of the head, then swings herself onto solid ground. “I’m right here, Nolan. I’m right here. Now let’s keep going.”


	24. Chapter 24

_ SF91-1123 - DAY ONE _

Emma shivers as she takes her survival suit off, laying it out flat next to the firebox before sitting down to huddle under a blanket.

Alyssa steps into the tent, shaking her head as water drips from her hair. “It’s a mess out there,” she says as she starts taking her suit off as well.

“If it stays like this, how will we be able to charge the tanks?”

“I’m not sure. We have four, which should at least carry us through tonight and tomorrow, but we’ll have to think.” Alyssa stretches and rolls her shoulders. “It can’t… It can’t rain like this  _ constantly, _ can it?”

Emma gives her a dry smile. “Would it surprise you?”

Alyssa sighs and sits down, sneaking under the same blanket Emma’s using to steal some of her warmth. “No.”

“Hmph." Emma rests her head against Alyssa’s shoulder. “Well, you said that I needed rest.”

“I need to watch myself, huh?”

“Given this environment, probably. They listen. And not in a good way.”

* * *

_ SF91-1123 - DAY TWO _

_ “ALYSSA!” _

Emma wakes in an ice-cold sweat, panting, fear shuddering down her spine. She looks at her hands, visibly trembling. “Fuck me,” she mumbles, covering her eyes and taking a deep breath to try to steady herself.

“That’s not something you usually request first thing in the morning, but if it’s what you want…”

Emma turns her head to look at Alyssa, sitting up next to her, eyes concerned but an amused smile on her lips. “If I thought it would work, I’d take you up on it,” Emma replies with a scoffing laugh. She rests her head back against the floor of the tent with a tired sigh.

Alyssa shifts a bit closer and skims her fingers through Emma’s hair. “More nightmares, baby?”

“Almost every night. I wish I knew what that thing did to me.”

After a slight pause, Alyssa says, “Em, it might not just be the toxin.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean… Look at everything we’ve been through. There are some mornings I wake up thinking that I’ll be under that ice again, or nights where I imagine what would’ve happened if you hadn’t gotten your helmet up in time when you got burned, or even just minutes during the day where I’ll try to nap and I’ll think that I’m back alone on Anning.”

Emma reaches out and squeezes Alyssa’s hand gently. “So you’re saying that we’re kinda fucked up.”

Alyssa laughs despite herself. “Yeah, yeah I’d say we are.”

“Just checking.” Emma pulls Alyssa’s hand over and kisses her knuckles. “Well, at least we know each other’s issues. Saves time.”

“That it does.” Alyssa looks at her for a long moment, then reaches over to the pocket of her survival suit and clicks on the device.

Emma’s brow furrows. “What are you-” Her breath catches in her throat as Alyssa gets on top of her. “-doing.”

“Experimenting. We don’t know for sure that this  _ won’t _ help clear up some of the nightmares, now do we?”

Emma swallows. “You’re right, we don’t. It’s only reasonable for us to find out.”

“Scientific method.”

“I’m not sure that’s what that means.”

“Do you care?”

“Nope.”

* * *

Alyssa spins one of her chess pieces in her hand, staring at the board.

_ “Ow,” _ Emma grumbles under her breath.

Alyssa looks up, and frowns, watching as Emma cuts into a collection container with her knife. “What… are you doing?”

“Thinking.”

“I don’t think that’s thinking.”

“I just have an idea. I don’t know if it’ll work. Something I did on my Gran’s farm once with my Grandad.” Emma stands up and changes out of her flightsuit and into her survival suit, then grabs the few small tools they have. “I’ll be back in a minute. Don’t cheat.”

“I’m not… I wouldn’t  _ cheat.” _

Emma grins at her, then heads outside.

“Wait a minute,  _ Nolan!” _ Alyssa scrambles to her feet to change. “We don’t go anywhere alone!” She gives a frustrated sigh and rushes after her, pulling on her survival suit as she goes.

* * *

When Alyssa gets outside, Emma already has the outer section of the tent’s powerbox open and is playing around with the wires, completely oblivious to the rain pouring on her.

“You’re going to electrocute yourself,” Alyssa says.

“It was already on the last dregs of the solar power it had stored up. Not much more it can do to me.” Emma pauses and glances up at the tent. “I mean no disrespect. Don’t kill me.”

“What are you doing?”

“At one point when I was a kid, we couldn’t pay for power anymore, so my grandfather figured out how to use the wiring in the house and the gusts of wind that always blew past the house to get enough electricity for some basics.” Emma holds her screwdriver in her mouth and mumbles around it as she continues to reconfigure. “Wrkd. H’shwd m’ hw t’d’ i’.”

She takes some pieces of metal that Alyssa recognizes as random scrap from a flashlight that had been broken when they got it, and Alyssa watches as Emma attaches the cut collection container to the outside of the powerbox. She fiddles with the wires for another few minutes, then closes it as the water starts to catch the sliced edges and send the container spinning on its new axis.

“Will that really work?” Alyssa asks, dumbfounded.

“I mean, it’s small, so maybe not as well as it could, but. It’s better than nothing.” Emma shudders. “I vote we go back inside and find out. I’m already freezing.”

Alyssa nods and helps Emma pick up the tools before they return to the tent.

Inside, the oxygen canister that was on its last legs is back to life, pumping guaranteed air back into their tent. Alyssa picks up one of their spent tanks and sets it on the emergency charge port, testing, and relief washes over her as it starts to charge off of the tent’s power.

“It worked.”

“Wow,” Emma says, standing with her hands on her hips. “It actually worked.”

Alyssa snorts. “Great confidence in yourself.”

“I’ll remind you that I’m not the smart one here.”

Alyssa kisses her on the cheek. “I’m not so sure about that.” She starts to take Emma out of her suit. “Now come on, Nolan. You’re soaked to the bone again. We have to dry off.”

“At this rate, I’m not sure we’ll ever find resources on this planet. I’ve never seen rain like this, Greene.” Emma shrugs. “I mean, granted, the moon I’m from has a severe water crisis, but even Callisto never had rain like this.”

“I’ve never seen rain like this, either.”

Emma swallows and steps out of her survival suit when Alyssa prompts her to, then takes an offered blanket. “What happens if we get nothing here?”

Alyssa shakes her head and starts removing her own suit. “Let’s not think about it. We have fifty-eight days for the weather to improve. We’ll figure something out.” She picks up a blanket of her own and shivers as she wraps it around herself, her own lack of confidence reflected in Emma’s eyes.


End file.
